Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain young people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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Museums

Use synonyms

' function is thought to be a leisure form for the young generation

however

Linking Words

others think that their purpose is education. Personally, in

this

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essay, I shall discuss both sides in more detail before giving my opinion. On the one hand, some say that

museums

Use synonyms

should be enjoyable places for the youth to entertain because, in modern life, the development of technology has provided many toxic entertainment ways for young individuals that cause many disadvantages. To illustrate, nowadays, many senior people not only reduce eye capability because of spending long hours playing video games but

also

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have mental health problems

such

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as losing focus ability, lacking face-to-face interaction, and so on.

Consequently

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museums

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are a healthy form of amusement for younger individuals

instead

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of playing video games, or surfing bad websites, to name just a few.

On the other hand

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, several individuals believe that

museums

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should be aimed at education for the senior generation because of the display of many achievements in art, science, and history.

Hence

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, they are a great environment to educate young visitors about these fields.

For instance

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, if a young person visits a historical museum, they will have an opportunity to observe historical remains and get more information about crucial milestones in history through paper or video.

Thus

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, they can learn history naturally and excitingly. In conclusion, I think that

museums

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should combine both leisure and education functions because

museums

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are not only where people can immerse themselves in the world of knowledge relaxedly without pressure from school and society but

also

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where they entertain healthily when they have free time.

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task achievement

While the essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, more balance is needed in terms of examples and explanations for both viewpoints. Equal development of ideas can enhance the strength of your argument.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that all points are consistently linked to the main topic sentence in each paragraph to maximize coherence. This will reinforce the logical flow of your argument.

introduction conclusion present

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing the main points.

supported main points

Main points are supported with examples, making the argument comprehensive and relevant, especially in discussing modern technology and its impact.

logical structure

The essay uses an appropriate logical structure, with paragraphs organized around specific ideas, facilitating a smooth reading experience.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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