IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Not enough people realise the importance of natural world. What is the reason for people’s lack of awareness? How can people be made more aware?

#people #realise #importance #world #reason #people’s #lack #awareness
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Today,
technology
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 has become more advanced which makes human beings easier
as well as
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 puts them
in
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at
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a
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apply
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huge risk,
in particular
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 when artificial stuff substitutes the natural
world
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.
This
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 essay will assert the importance of back to nature rather than demanding
on
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apply
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technology
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 which
be
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is
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 able to alienate users from their real-life society. The most remarkable reason why
people
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 should
more
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be more
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 aware
about
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of
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 their environment is the fact that human, as part of homo sapiens, is nothing without
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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world
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 which could destroy
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the crowd
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crowd
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crowds
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 whenever they want.
For example
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, floods
swept
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that swept
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 several countries recently
was
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were
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 allegedly caused by climate change in
which
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apply
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one of the most responsible is human negligence
through
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apply
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such
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 as illegal logging, mining, and deforestation which ultimately create the
instabilty
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instability
 of nature.
Hence
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, there are, at least, two ways to encourage
people
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 to be more conscious about the future of the
world
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. The first one is through education. Schools
in
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at
show examples
 any
levels
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level
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 must contain
about
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apply
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climate change in their curriculum in order to give knowledge
for
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to
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 students
how
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on how
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 to invent and use eco-friendly
technology
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.
In addition
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, what
people
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learned
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learn
show examples
 in their classes must
also
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 be disseminated on social media. In conclusion, human plays a pivotal role in determining what kinds of
world
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that
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apply
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they want to live in with other species. So,
people
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 are supposed to be more wise in using artificial
technology
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due to
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 their duty as stewards of the earth.
Submitted by anwarkur20 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic by highlighting the importance of the natural world and the risks posed by technology. There is a logical structure, but the ideas could be organized more clearly, especially in terms of linking technological advances directly to the disconnect from nature.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Transitions between paragraphs can be more fluid to improve cohesion.
task achievement
The essay recognizes the significant role of education in raising awareness about environmental issues.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental conservation
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • overwhelming flow of information
  • sensational news topics
  • environmental education
  • media campaigns
  • environmental degradation
  • core curriculum
  • social media influencers
  • non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
  • community projects
  • hands-on involvement
What to do next:
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