IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #risks #lives
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It is crucial for
people
Use synonyms
 to take
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in their
lives
Use synonyms
, like their professional
lives
Use synonyms
 and personal
lives
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the negative and positive points of taking risks in your emotional
life
Use synonyms
 and in your work. From my perspective, I consider that taking
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 in your professional work, especially in your future, plays a crucial role because it will help you to earn more money and have a better position. Talking about personal
life
Use synonyms
, it is important to have peace in your home and among your family, even your family members.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 should not rush to find a suitable partner because with the passage of time, everything will
be changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, their character, what they want from
life
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, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
important
Replace the word
importantly
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
: their expectations.
Also
Linking Words
, after the age of 25, teenagers will start to think logically.
As a result
Linking Words
, after that, they will find the interests and the love of their
lives
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. Other than that, taking risks in professional
life
Use synonyms
 has lots of advantages because
people
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 will push their boundaries, and they will find their talents and do their favourite
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, I saw lots of
people
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, even in my family, who earn lots of money from their job, and they have
a perfect positions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a perfect position
perfect positions
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. But
as a result
Linking Words
, they leave their jobs because they don’t have happiness. As a final note, it is important to take risks in our professional
lives
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 to find happiness and
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
talents, but it depends on a person to take danger in their personal
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nargesamin0 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to use a consistent vocabulary throughout the essay to avoid confusion, such as distinguishing between 'opportunity' and 'risk'.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples to make your points clearer and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve on linking ideas between paragraphs for a more fluid argument flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a structured introduction and conclusion, setting clear boundaries for the discussion.
task achievement
The topic of weighing risks in both personal and professional lives is addressed, showing awareness of the task requirements.
task achievement
The essay reflects on relevant personal experiences which adds a personalized touch and credibility to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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