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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the way in which men and women used the Internet in Canada in 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the way in which men and women used the Internet in Canada in 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #internet #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The static bar chart illustrates how
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 used the network in Canada in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the amount of people who used e-mail was a peak throughout the given period. There
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
residents used research
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 education.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
 goods and services were prosperous
into
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
males
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, e-mail was popular in 2000 71% and 70% between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women and men respectively. Not as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 females used goods and services as
males
Use synonyms
, to be clear 61%
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
 and there were as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 as
femails
Correct your spelling
females
 who used e-mails 71%.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 chat rooms and games fluctuated given period. Chat rooms were
aproxiametely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 50%
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the citizens in Canada. Meanwhile, games in Canada
also
Linking Words
 were well-liked
males
Use synonyms
 showed a peak
64
Change preposition
of 64
show examples
%,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 females were 58%.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
Additional
 online shopping and research education were not so much trendy. Not as many
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 social networks
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 research education as online shopping. To be
specifically
Change the word
specific
show examples
amounting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
38% and 28% used online shopping
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women and men
respectivaly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by nurymbetova.aray on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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