IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Urban environments are becoming unhealthy suggest causes and solutions

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 urban environments
cause
Use synonyms
 more problems with health than they did before. Unfortunately, it can be seen that rapidly developing cities greatly affect the state of health of people and there are many causes of it. One main
cause
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 growing
poblem
Correct your spelling
problem
 is that big cities, usually capitals, have high population density and
this
Linking Words
 problem affects others.
As a result
Linking Words
, heavy traffic jams and it
also
Linking Words
 causes air pollution.Another probable
cause
Use synonyms
 of pollution might be growing
factories
Fix the agreement mistake
factory
show examples
 production. It is known that eco-problems influence health,
therefore
Linking Words
 urban environments
cause
Use synonyms
 more problems. To deal with
this
Linking Words
 major issue, the government might reduce
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of houses outside the city. It could be a perfect solution for high population density. If
this
Linking Words
 difficult situation is resolved
then
Linking Words
 heavy traffic jams
also
Linking Words
 would be reduced.
Current
Add an article
The current
show examples
 situation with air pollution would be better, but
also
Linking Words
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem to the end
volonteers
Correct your spelling
volunteers
 can plant some trees in the parks in big cities. In conclusion, urban environments are more unhealthy than they have ever been, but we can find many solutions for
this
Linking Words
 major issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and addresses the causes and solutions. However, more specific examples related to modern urban issues like noise pollution, lifestyle, or technological factors could strengthen the response.
task achievement
Ensure that all points made are supported with sufficient detail. For instance, mentioning specific cities or statistics could add depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
While there's a logical flow in the essay, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use linking words to enhance coherence and guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction and concludes effectively, summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
The argument is structured logically with clear paragraphing, addressing causes and solutions separately.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: