IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. *Why might this be the case? *What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

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In today's rapidly changing world, the debate over whether self-employed 's choice is more important among people than employees in specific organizations. The debate surrounding the reduce the preference for those jobs often revolves
two
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around two
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 opposing
view
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views
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. I believe that a
balance
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balanced
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 approach is more convincing.
This
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 essay will explore key arguments with pros,
cons
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and cons
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 of both sides and
concluded
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conclude
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 it with my perspective. On the one hand, self-employed
are
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is
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undoubt
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undoubtedly
 crucial to
create
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creating
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 flexibility in work and
help
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helping
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 in personal growth.
This
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 means that
requires
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apply
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the schedule
enabled
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enables
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 the person to choose their own workplace and time by own self, which are highly valued by the independent worker.
For instance
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, it has been noticed that getting leave anytime time from entrepreneurship from
their
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the
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 timetable of their work.
This
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,
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this
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apply
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supports my view that consultants can make
the stable
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stability
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and freedom to worker,
along with
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enjoy
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enjoying
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the job.
On the other hand
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, the challenge of being self-employed is more yearly expenses.
This
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 factor emphasizes that
while
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 working from home , there is no fixed amount
as
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of
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a
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apply
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salary per month even if it can add more expenses to stay on track.
For example
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, it has been shown that expenses like buying or leasing a rental space for the workplace, and electronic appliances highlight the lack of stability and reliability to earn more money. It shows that a person should have more money than
get
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apply
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profits.
Therefore
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, the reason strongly supports my viewpoint in the agreement of
this
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 statement. In conclusion,
although
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 some people might think that being an entrepreneur is really challenging, I firmly believe that entrepreneurship leads to personal growth
by
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through
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 flexibility and independence.

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task achievement
Ensure all arguments in the essay are clearly linked to the central topic. The essay introduces the idea of self-employment but doesn't strongly relate all points directly back to why people choose it over employment in an organization.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear but need more development and clarity. Consider breaking down your explanations further to make your ideas more substantial and easier for the reader to understand.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning successful self-employed individuals or statistics could enhance the depth of your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the logical flow. Some ideas are disconnected and could be better linked to improve cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point fully and ensure the essay structure supports the argument logically. The introduction and conclusion should neatly wrap up the ideas presented in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph contains one main idea that's fully explored before moving to the next. This will strengthen the overall coherence and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both benefits and drawbacks of self-employment, which shows balanced consideration of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
There is a coherent introduction and conclusion, indicating a systematic approach to essay writing.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows an understanding of the topic, recognizing that flexibility and independence are appealing aspects of self-employment.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-employment
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Freelancing
  • Work-life balance
  • Business strategy
  • Risk management
  • Financial instability
  • Benefits package
  • Job security
  • Innovation
  • Market needs
  • Isolation
  • Corporate volatility
  • Pursuit of passion
  • Administrative tasks
What to do next:
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