IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities such as museums, theatres and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the government

#people #money #amenities #museums #theatres #art #festivals #society #areas #government
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Nowadays there is ongoing debate about the use of public money for cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
 with certain people opposing
this
Linking Words
 practice. Personally, I feel that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 budget should be allocated for museums, theatres and art festivals and I will explain why.
Firstly
Linking Words
, supporters of cultural
heritage
Use synonyms
 claim that cultural facilities are of paramount importance to unite society. By
this
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, they mean that art festivals ,
for example
Linking Words
, gather a large group of citizens, creating a harmonious society and strengthening individual sense of belonging and intercultural understanding.
In addition
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, cultural activities appear to attract many local and international tourists and generate income for the country.
For instance
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, a historical city like Malacca, Malaysia is a place that receives millions of visitors per year. Tourism is in fact, the major financial contributor for the state. Tourists wanted to witness the rich cultural
heritage
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 as the result of different colonisations thousands of years back by visiting the museums.
Finally
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, those who support cultural
amenities
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 insist on the importance of cultural preservation for education. Cultural
heritage
Use synonyms
 promotes creativity, and innovation and the moral values that can be learned from the past are invaluable for the younger generation to instil within themselves. I do appreciate that some people think differently saying it is better to spend money on more important
amenities
Use synonyms
such
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 as public schools or hospitals.
While
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 these are essential to the country, of course, I feel
this
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 is an unwise opinion considering the benefits that cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
 might bring.
Overall
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 I believe that cultural
heritage
Use synonyms
 needs to be preserved based on the fact that it serves as a national identity, improves unity and fosters economic growth.
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Task Achievement
Ensure to address both aspects of the question in a balanced manner.
Task Achievement
Further clarify how the benefits of cultural amenities outweigh other areas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use transitional phrases to enhance cohesion between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all ideas are fully developed, especially in counterarguments.
Task Achievement
Clear position presented and maintained throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Examples provided effectively support main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical flow of ideas and well-structured paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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