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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many students find it difficult to pay attention at school. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to solve this problem?

#students #attention #school
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Several pupils find it challenging to pay attention at school.
This
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 is mainly owing to sleep deprivation and
technoligical
Correct your spelling
technological
 distractions.
However
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, there are solutions that can be implemented to help
students
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 focus better in school.
Firstly
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, the main reason for
this
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 issue is sleep deprivation.
In other words
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, many
students
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 do not get enough sleep since they have a lot of
homework
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 to complete, often staying up past midnight.
For example
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, in Korea, many
students
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 are assigned a significant amount of
homework
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, causing them to go to bed late every day.
Therefore
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, they struggle to concentrate during lessons the following day.
Secondly
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,
students
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 often fail to pay attention
due to
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 technological distractions. Some
students
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 bring their phones to class and play games
while
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 lessons are ongoing, which prevents them from staying focused. There are two effective solutions to overcome
this
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 problem. One effective measure is for
schools
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 to reduce the amount of
homework
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 assigned.
Schools
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 should
also
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 encourage
students
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 to complete their
homework
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 during school hours so that they have enough time to rest when they go home.
As a result
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,
this
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 will help them remain focused the next day. Another solution is to improve the learning environment.
Schools
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 can minimize distractions by enforcing strict rules on smartphone usage in class.
This
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wil
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will
eventuallyl
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eventually
 prevent
students
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 from using electronic devices during lessons.
To sum up
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, reducing the amount of
homework
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 and coming up with strict rules are effective ways to address
this
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 issue. If
schools
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 implemented these solutions, the difficulty of keeping
students
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' attention in class could be significantly reduced.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence-cohesion
Use topic sentences to clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph, even if subtle, as it will enhance understanding and logical flow.
task-achievement
Provide a bit more depth or a broader range of examples to strengthen your position further.
coherence-cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
task-achievement
Your ideas are comprehensive and cover the main aspects of the question, giving a complete response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
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