Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

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These days there is ongoing debate regarding sports in public

health

Use synonyms

. In consequence, opinions are divided, some sections of society hold an opinion that sports are beneficial for the body,

whereas

Linking Words

others consider that other treatments are more important than exercise. I absolutely agree with

this

Linking Words

latter point and

this

Linking Words

essay contains my main reasons. As far as spaces for

practice

Replace the word

practising

show examples

sport are beneficial to people, there are several arguments to support the notion that

sportmen

Correct your spelling

sportsmen

live longer,

this

Linking Words

idea has been supported by the fact that when you practise any

phisical

Correct your spelling

physical

activity your body receives energy sources

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

system uses some calories with any physical effort and convert it in energy.

For example

Linking Words

, when a patient goes to the doctor and presents an obesity case, they are sent to a special hospital and they receive a dietary and practice some exercises.

However

Linking Words

, as I see

this

Linking Words

, there are illnesses more harmful than a sedentary lifestyle. The first and foremost reason to advocate that mankind suffers more serious diseases that must be treated is

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

health

Use synonyms

priorities.

In other words

Linking Words

, the most harmful diseases should be looked after, since these

affliction

Change the determiner

afflictions

show examples

use

Wrong verb form

used

show examples

to be very expensive.

For instance

Linking Words

, sicknesses

such

Linking Words

as cancer, HIV, and diabetes are hard to follow and the

health

Use synonyms

system should cover them at all, and

this

Linking Words

permits us to add other treatments like obesity and create athletics centres

after

Rephrase

afterwards

show examples

. In conclusion,

although

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there are those who support the idea that public sports facilities are better for

health

Use synonyms

, I must insist that other illnesses should be primordial before active lifestyle encouragement.

Submitted by dannyrrng33 on Fri Dec 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a nice structure.

task achievement

Ensure that all main points are well-supported with details and examples. Currently, some arguments, such as those related to specific diseases, could benefit from more depth and specific examples.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve the linkage between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the natural flow of information.

task achievement

Be careful with grammatical errors and ensure the correct form of words (e.g., 'sportsmen' instead of 'sportmen'). This will make the arguments clearer.

task achievement

The essay addresses both views, satisfying the requirements to discuss both sides of the argument.

coherence cohesion

It presents a well-rounded introduction and closes with a thoughtful conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.

task achievement

The essay consistently tries to explain its viewpoint, showing a commendable effort in reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, However, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people prefer to live in hot climate, while others like to live in cold climate.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.