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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph compares the number of international students enrolled at Cathedral school, divided by their country of origin

The graph compares the number of international students enrolled at Cathedral school, divided by their country of origin
The line graph shows information about how many international
students
Use synonyms
 applied at Cathedral
school
Capitalize word
School
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, from four different regions between 1998 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest number of enrolled
students
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 came from
South East
Correct your spelling
Southeast
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 Asia over the entire period.
Although
Linking Words
, beginning of the period the second place belonged to the
students
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 from South America,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the timeframe, they had the lowest figure. Turning to details, there was a dramatic decline
the
Change preposition
in the
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 count of
students
Use synonyms
 from South East Asia from 1998 to 1999.
However
Linking Words
, over the subsequent two years, their amount increased from 16 to 27. The
Use synonyms
students
Correct quantifier usage
number of students
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 of African and Middle Eastern origin went up gradually from 11 to 18 between 1998 and 2001. The largest decrease was observed
South
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in South
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 American
students
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. In 1998, the number of
students
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 was 15, but it dropped to 7 in 2001. There was a fluctuation
the
Change preposition
in the
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 number of
students
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 representing Europe during the time and they had
small
Add an article
a small
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 change from 10 to 8.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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