IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that young people should follow traditions of the society. While other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several
individuals
Use synonyms
 believe that the youth should follow the traditions of
society
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others think that they should be free to behave as
individuals
Use synonyms
. Personally, I shall discuss both sides in more detail in
this
Linking Words
 essay before giving my opinion. On the one hand, it is thought that the senior generation should follow the traditions of the
society
Use synonyms
 because of some major reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can help to protect history and culture.
Secondly
Linking Words
, following the traditions of
society
Use synonyms
 helps narrow the gap between the older generation and the younger generation.
For example
Linking Words
, Vietnamese tradition is that a man will live with his parent after getting married and his wife will be responsible for taking care of his parent.
This
Linking Words
 helps strengthen family relationships and make all members of his family feel happy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some say that the youth should have the freedom to behave as
individuals
Use synonyms
 because the world is more and more changing.
Thus
Linking Words
 the senior people
also
Linking Words
 change to adapt and survive in modern
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the above story, If the man loves a woman coming from another country, and her culture is not living with her husband's family after getting married. In
this
Linking Words
 case, if the man still follows the tradition of
society
Use synonyms
, he will lose his love.
This
Linking Words
 can bring him unhappy feelings which will effect negatively on his
life
Use synonyms
 quality. In conclusion, I think that young people should be free to behave as
individuals
Use synonyms
 because it helps them adapt and survive in modern
life
Use synonyms
 easily and can
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to improving their
life
Use synonyms
 quality

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

cohesion
To enhance clarity, consider using more transitions and connectors to guide the reader through your arguments.
cohesion
Be careful with small grammatical inaccuracies to improve clarity and precision.
task response
Since you're providing only one specific example, a broader range of examples would offer a more comprehensive view.
task response
Ensure each paragraph centers around a clear main point supported by further explanations or examples.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a solid effort in discussing both perspectives, which fulfills the task requirement.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the discussion well.
task response
Good use of examples, such as cultural traditions in Vietnamese families, to support points made.
coherence
The essay offers a logical structure making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sense of identity
  • Cultural background
  • Community unity
  • Formative years
  • Significant meanings
  • Passed down
  • Creativity and innovation
  • New ideas and perspectives
  • Societal progress
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Outdated or irrelevant
  • Adhering to traditions
  • Meaningful and relevant
What to do next:
Look at other essays: