IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that young people should follow traditions of the society. While other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #traditions #society #individuals
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Several
individuals
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 believe that the youth should follow the traditions of
society
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while
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 others think that they should be free to behave as
individuals
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. Personally, I shall discuss both sides in more detail in
this
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 essay before giving my opinion. On the one hand, it is thought that the senior generation should follow the traditions of the
society
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 because of some major reasons.
Firstly
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,
this
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 can help to protect history and culture.
Secondly
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, following the traditions of
society
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 helps narrow the gap between the older generation and the younger generation.
For example
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, Vietnamese tradition is that a man will live with his parent after getting married and his wife will be responsible for taking care of his parent.
This
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 helps strengthen family relationships and make all members of his family feel happy.
On the other hand
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, some say that the youth should have the freedom to behave as
individuals
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 because the world is more and more changing.
Thus
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 the senior people
also
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 change to adapt and survive in modern
life
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.
For instance
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, in the above story, If the man loves a woman coming from another country, and her culture is not living with her husband's family after getting married. In
this
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 case, if the man still follows the tradition of
society
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, he will lose his love.
This
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 can bring him unhappy feelings which will effect negatively on his
life
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 quality. In conclusion, I think that young people should be free to behave as
individuals
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 because it helps them adapt and survive in modern
life
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 easily and can
contributes
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contribute
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 to improving their
life
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 quality
Submitted by writingeilts on

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cohesion
To enhance clarity, consider using more transitions and connectors to guide the reader through your arguments.
cohesion
Be careful with small grammatical inaccuracies to improve clarity and precision.
task response
Since you're providing only one specific example, a broader range of examples would offer a more comprehensive view.
task response
Ensure each paragraph centers around a clear main point supported by further explanations or examples.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a solid effort in discussing both perspectives, which fulfills the task requirement.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the discussion well.
task response
Good use of examples, such as cultural traditions in Vietnamese families, to support points made.
coherence
The essay offers a logical structure making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sense of identity
  • Cultural background
  • Community unity
  • Formative years
  • Significant meanings
  • Passed down
  • Creativity and innovation
  • New ideas and perspectives
  • Societal progress
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Outdated or irrelevant
  • Adhering to traditions
  • Meaningful and relevant
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