IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people use social networking sites such as Facebook and Instagram to share information. Why are these sites so popular? What are the communication problems related to the use of these sites?

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Social networking platforms like Facebook and Instagram are very popular among numerous individuals who distribute data over these. In my opinion, one of the reasons for
this
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 site's popularity is that it is user-friendly.
Moreover
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,
people
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 and businesses are able to be famous by them. I am
also
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 convinced that these sites bring about poor social skills and
also
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 have negative effects on
people
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's emotional and psychological health. It is my view that social media is a user-friendly platform which allows
people
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 with different levels of knowledge to make use of it.
For instance
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, Instagram which is so popular nowadays, has some features that everyone, who has a smartphone can make a page on it and utilize its facilities easily.
In addition
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, these platforms help artists and businesses or companies to introduce themselves and their products or works to society all over the world.
In other words
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, several artists and brands are known on Instagram or other social networking websites and communicate with their fans or their customers over their pages. I
further
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 believe that these platforms pose some major problems in users' communications. Since
people
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 especially youths settle into unreal connections, their social skills have become poor. Research findings confirm that most
the
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of
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people
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 who spend much time on social media make unreal friends there.
Thus
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, they find it difficult to interact with others in real situations. Another issue is that these sites' clients are willing to bother others with annoying comments under their posts and from a medical standpoint, it causes serious psychological illnesses. In conclusion,
as a result
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 of convenient use and access to social networking sites, many
people
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 and businesses can be renowned and progress by being active on their pages. From my perspective, the overuse of them decreases the connection ability in real life.
Nonetheless
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, the wrong use of them can bring about emotional health problems.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider providing a more explicit overview statement in the introduction to ensure that the reader knows what the essay will cover.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to link the last sentence of each paragraph to the following paragraph, creating an even smoother flow.
Task Achievement
Include more detailed and varied examples to support your points and make your argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and avoid repeating similar ideas in different sections of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay effectively uses connective words and phrases to organize ideas, which contributes to its overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a good overview and wrap-up of the topic.
Task Achievement
Main points are supported with some examples, which helps in explaining the argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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