IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people use social networking sites such as Facebook and Instagram to share information. Why are these sites so popular? What are the communication problems related to the use of these sites?

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Social networking platforms like Facebook and Instagram are very popular among numerous individuals who distribute data over these. In my opinion, one of the reasons for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 site's popularity is that it is user-friendly.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and businesses are able to be famous by them. I am
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 convinced that these sites bring about poor social skills and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 have negative effects on
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's emotional and psychological health. It is my view that social media is a user-friendly platform which allows
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 with different levels of knowledge to make use of it.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Instagram which is so popular nowadays, has some features that everyone, who has a smartphone can make a page on it and utilize its facilities easily.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, these platforms help artists and businesses or companies to introduce themselves and their products or works to society all over the world.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, several artists and brands are known on Instagram or other social networking websites and communicate with their fans or their customers over their pages. I
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 believe that these platforms pose some major problems in users' communications. Since
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 especially youths settle into unreal connections, their social skills have become poor. Research findings confirm that most
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who spend much time on social media make unreal friends there.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they find it difficult to interact with others in real situations. Another issue is that these sites' clients are willing to bother others with annoying comments under their posts and from a medical standpoint, it causes serious psychological illnesses. In conclusion,
as a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of convenient use and access to social networking sites, many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and businesses can be renowned and progress by being active on their pages. From my perspective, the overuse of them decreases the connection ability in real life.
Nonetheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the wrong use of them can bring about emotional health problems.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider providing a more explicit overview statement in the introduction to ensure that the reader knows what the essay will cover.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to link the last sentence of each paragraph to the following paragraph, creating an even smoother flow.
Task Achievement
Include more detailed and varied examples to support your points and make your argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and avoid repeating similar ideas in different sections of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay effectively uses connective words and phrases to organize ideas, which contributes to its overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a good overview and wrap-up of the topic.
Task Achievement
Main points are supported with some examples, which helps in explaining the argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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