There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

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In modern societies, it has been quite common to pressurise the young mind, some people argue that it will help them to cope in the
future
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,
whereas
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others say it's a suppression of their childhood freedom. I partially agree that children's
education
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should be based on their interests rather than what
parents
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believe.
To begin
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with, most of the
parents
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, especially from the middle class tend to pressure their children to perform excellently in academic
subjects
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over non-academic ones,
This
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is mainly,
due to
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peer pressure from society and relatives,
job
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uncertainty and for better
future
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.
However
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, only a certain percentage of student succeed in their end goals. Mainly, because of high competition and limited
opportunities
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for higher
education
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and jobs.
For example
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, as per the recent survey data from The Global Times on international students, 70% of students have opted for international colleges and universities over the domestic ones,
due to
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higher standard of study, more
job
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opportunities
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during and after
education
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USE SYNONYMS culturedisciplineimprovementinformationlearningliteracyscholarshipschoolingsciencestudy It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. are the key
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
behind their decision.
On the other hand
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, most
of
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apply
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parents
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believe that non-academic stream
subjects
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like physical
education
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, and cooking are low-status
education
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, having quite a low scope of
job
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opportunities
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and limited salaries.
For instance
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, as per society, an engineer or doctor has much more social status compared to the start hotel chiefs,
nevertheless
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, even they earn equally.
Hence
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, most
parents
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emphasize academic modules that lead to better
job
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opportunities
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in the
future
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. But non-academic
subjects
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have their own advantages, like, it helps to maintain mental and physical balance, especially for young students. Continued study in a particular subject tends to reduce holistic thinking and mental productivity.
whereas
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, physical
education
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helps pulps to
keep
Verb problem
stay
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healthy and energetic, so that, they can concentrate more on their desired subject of interest.
To conclude
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, as many believe academic
subjects
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lead to a better
future
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, non-academic programs of studies
also
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play a vital role in
overall
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development,
Hence
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, there should be a balance of both in the school syllabus.
Submitted by pskhandelwal13 on

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task achievement
Make sure your ideas are fully developed with examples that clearly support your points. The example about international students opting for foreign colleges could be more specific to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are logically sequenced. Avoid jumping abruptly from one point to another. Smooth transitions will enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, giving the essay a strong framework.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the support for and against the inclusion of non-academic subjects.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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