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Band 7.5

More and more companies are willing to view graduates of online universities on an equal level as those who attended brick-and-mortar classrooms. Discuss the advantages of both styles of learning as it relates to the working world.

#companies #graduates #universities #level #classrooms #styles #world
Education is crucial to providing better opportunities. A wide range of companies are hiring
students
 who spent their school years studying online,
while
 other areas recruit individuals who went to educational institutions. In
this
 essay, the benefits of both educational systems will be elucidated. On the one hand, the foremost benefit of studying online is the variety of individuals that they will meet. Pupils will be educated by foreign teachers. These variations will make them aware of accents and exchange culture.
Moreover
,
this
 will give them the experience of interacting with them, a sense of self-confidence, and more sources of data from other teachers.
According to
 a study conducted by Abu Dhabi University, it highlighted that pupils during the pandemic of coronavirus were educated by overseas educators, and
this
 reflected on them after graduation and made them more productive.
On the other hand
,
students
 who learn face-to-face can interact more with others after graduation. The school environment assisted them in creating their character.
Additionally
, some studies can not be taught only in university
such
 as medical studies. The
students
 should attend to see surgeries. In his book," Off-Line Education", Professor Ahmed Ali said that medical
students
 in Egypt are talented because they can cure patients during their university years.
This
 makes them passionate and motivated. In conclusion, there will be a debate on
this
 argument. Pupils should be aware of what can benefit them. What the field needs in the area they live. The government should assist them by providing better facilities and infrastructure.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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clarity of ideas
Try to improve clarity by distinguishing between different points more clearly, particularly within each paragraph.
cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more linking words to guide the reader smoothly through your points.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the purpose of the essay by stating that both educational systems will be examined.
supporting evidence
The essay provides specific examples, such as the Abu Dhabi University study and Professor Ahmed Ali's observations, to illustrate points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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