IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that equality between the genders has already been achieved while others feel there is considerable progress to be made. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Gender
equality
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 is a key to a sustainable life, but is it truly achieved? Some
people
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 believe that
equality
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 between men and
women
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 has already been achieved,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that there is still a long way. On the one hand, some
people
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 truly think that our society has made big steps forward. Nowadays,
women
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 have more opportunities in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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various fields, especially in education and
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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.
Moreover
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,
women
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 work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places which previously were specifically for men.
Additionally
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, there are some new laws,
such
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 as equal pay that
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to keep fairness between the genders.
This
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 proves that
people
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 have achieved at least a little change in gender
equality
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that real
equality
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 is still far away. They say that despite all the changes, in most of the fields, men are
at
Change preposition
in
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 the power position which makes it challenging for
women
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 to get a leadership position. All
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this
Change the determiner
these
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 problems show that many barriers still exist on the way to
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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full
equality
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.
Although
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 improvements
has
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have
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 been made, there is much work to do to achieve complete
equality
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. Our society should try to get rid of all the obstacles that always appear on the road
of
Change preposition
to
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equality
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. In conclusion, even if the current situation has improved compared to the past, complete gender
equality
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 is yet to be achieved. We must
Add a missing verb
be concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about our future and pay more attention to
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Some parts of the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the main ideas. For instance, illustrating how specific laws or company policies have impacted gender equality could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and presents a clear stance, elaboration on specific achievements or areas needing improvement in gender equality would enhance the completeness of the response.
coherence cohesion
Paying attention to minor grammatical issues, such as subject-verb agreement (e.g., "improvements has been made" should be "improvements have been made"), will improve clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The writing follows a logical structure, with the presentation of both viewpoints followed by your personal opinion.
task achievement
You have successfully acknowledged both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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