IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government's responsibility. Others believe that every individual should be responsible for it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Trung

#people #environment #government #responsibility #trung
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In the modern era, humans have
an
Change the article
a
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nearly
Change the adverb
near
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 relationship with nature.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe the government
has
Verb problem
is
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 responsible for protecting the
invironment
Correct your spelling
environment
. In my view, nature should be protected by everyone.
In
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On
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 the hand, the excessive consumption of energy in production processes
contridute
Correct your spelling
contributes
degradation
Change preposition
to degradation
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. So people should limitedly use fossil fuels because it causes
Correct article usage
an ecrease
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ecrease
Correct your spelling
increase
carbon
Change preposition
in carbon
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dioxite
Correct your spelling
dioxide
 in nature. 
For example
Linking Words
, China
use
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uses
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 electric
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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replacing
Change the verb form
to replace
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traditional
Add an article
the traditional
a traditional
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car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, we shouldn't use disposable.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, the government has some
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 for
invironmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 problems.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Structure
Work on developing a complete essay structure. Ensure that you have a clear introduction, a well-developed body with distinct paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinions and answers the question fully.
Coherence
Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas. This will help connect your points more effectively and guide the reader through your argument.
Vocabulary
Ensure accuracy and range in your vocabulary. Some words are misspelled or incorrectly used, which affects clarity. For example, correct 'invironment' to 'environment', and 'contridute' to 'contribute'.
Task Completion
Provide more specific examples to support your points. The example about China is a good start, but it could be expanded upon with more details about the impact of electric cars on the environment.
Language Use
Refine your language to express your ideas more precisely. There are several grammatical errors that could obscure the intended meaning.
Task Completion
The essay presents a clear stance that everyone should be responsible for protecting the environment, aligning with the task requirement of discussing both views and stating an opinion.
Task Achievement
Some points and examples, such as the use of electric vehicles in China, are relevant to the topic and help support the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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