IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do the developments in technology make crime easier to detect or do they make people more vulnerable to crime? Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Technology
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 has been advancing rapidly and impacting many aspects, including crime. It can be helpful for solving crimes, but it can
also
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 increase the occurrence of unlawful actions. In my opinion, I believe that the advancements in
technology
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 can secure more evidence to track crimes more easily, which will tighten
people
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's protections. Individuals can be exposed to crimes more frequently
due to
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 the developments in
technology
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 since it plays a pivotal role in the existence of social media. The public can freely access it, which triggers offenders to commit bad actions. To exemplify, in some particular countries, the number of
people
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 who are being kidnapped has surged significantly because innocent
people
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 tend to surf social media and engage with strangers who may have bad intentions to harm other Individuals.
Thus
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, the more frequently they utilize technologies, the greater the likelihood of becoming crime victims.
Technology
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 can provide more explicit evidence so that it can detect traces quickly and they can catch offenders immediately because it helps the police obtain clear traces of criminals. It.
For instance
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, the usage of security cameras can denote and catch the faces of bad
people
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 when they commit their unacceptable actions, even it can clearly show their body movements.
Hence
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, if
people
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 value and use
technology
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 wisely, they will benefit from it and feel safer.
Therefore
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,
people
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 who use
technology
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 for social media should be mindful and try to set limitations on its use in order to avoid negative circumstances in the future.
To conclude
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,
technology
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 will greatly contribute to society, providing more protection as it facilitates the evidence of crime,
although
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 it can lead to negative consequences if used improperly.

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task achievement
Work on developing your main points with specific examples and thorough explanations. You can elaborate further on how technology aids in crime detection and provide more scenarios.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides of the argument, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic, emphasizing that technology advancements contribute to better crime detection.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance technology
  • Digital forensics
  • Cybersecurity
  • Encryption
  • Intrusion detection systems
  • Cybercrime
  • Phishing
  • Ransomware
  • Identity theft
  • VPN (Virtual Private Network)
  • Dark web
  • Anonymity
  • Real-time monitoring
  • Law enforcement
  • Automated systems
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • Forensic analysis
  • Evidence gathering
  • Digital footprint
  • Cybercriminals
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