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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for this statement and give your own opinion.

#blood #sports #topic #debate #years #society #activity #animals #arguments
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In the past few years, it has been widely acknowledged that blood
sports
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,
such
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 as hunting for sport and dog fighting, are old-fashioned activities and harsh to the vulnerable creatures suffering in these events;
thus
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, some people believe that these
sports
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 should be prohibited.
This
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 essay will discuss the key points for
this
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 notion and present my opinion. To start with, one argument in
favor
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favour
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 of their prohibition is the prevention of harmful impacts on younger generations.
This
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 is because, once society acknowledges these activities, even though governments establish regulations for them, young people would have opportunities to encounter these games during school days, which can detrimentally influence their perceptions of the value of animal life, as they are still sensitive.
Consequently
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, some of them may lose the significance of wildlife and harm
animals
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 in secret;
therefore
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, prohibiting blood
sports
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 can serve as a preventive measure to enhance healthy mental development among young children.
Moreover
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, even adults might distort their understanding of
animals
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' lives by watching cruel content.
For example
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, as people watch these games every day, they may come to regard fighting among
animals
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 and killing one another as the norm in society.
As a result
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, some individuals may commit illegal actions against
animals
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;
furthermore
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, they might find joy and happiness in these actions, which could potentially drive them to commit violence in the long term;
hence
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, banning violent programs plays a crucial role in reducing the crime rate. In conclusion, I firmly believe in the prohibition of blood
sports
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 as a means of fostering healthy mental well-being and potentially decreasing the crime rate.
Submitted by kurosaku5857 on

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task achievement
While the essay presents several solid arguments against blood sports, incorporating more specific examples could strengthen the argument. Try to provide detailed instances or case studies that illustrate the harmful impacts of blood sports.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the connections between paragraphs and ideas are smooth. While the essay is generally well-organized, a few more linking phrases could enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The writer effectively addresses the potential impact of blood sports on both younger generations and adults, showing a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay structure is logical, with each paragraph following a clear progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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