IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sport stadium.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #care #education #theatres #sport #stadium
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Some groups of individuals believe that the authorities should spend
money
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 on the medical and educational sectors rather than on theatres or
sports
Use synonyms
stadiums
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. I tend to agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and the following lines will explain why The most important aspect to consider is that some treatments are so expensive,
such
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 as diabetes, hypertension, liver disease, and other related conditions.
This
Linking Words
 means that some poor nations and individuals cannot afford expensive treatment because they do not have enough
money
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. National governments need to spend
money
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 on medical
centers
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centres
show examples
 and doctors so that
people
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 can get the best treatment at a low cost.
As a result
Linking Words
, they live longer with loved ones, have greater productivity, and stay healthy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government has to spend a huge amount of
money
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the educational sector at no cost.
This
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 means that
people
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 would be educated in diverse fields, and it would reduce the illiteracy level. The country would be developed in every sector,
such
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 as technology, research
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, agriculture, and other fields. Some developed nations offer free education up to the university level, ensuring that every citizen is educated, which develops the standard of living and helps the nation grow in every field. Eventually, the nation would be developed in every field and improve the standard of living.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
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 suggest that theatres and
sports
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stadiums
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 are necessary for
people
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 because these provide entertainment and health benefits. Most individuals live a fast-paced life, and these activities help reduce stress. In conclusion, it can be seen that national governments have to spend
money
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 on education and healthcare because there are many advantages.
People
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 will be educated, and countries
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 develop in all aspects.
Although
Linking Words
 theatres and
sports
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stadiums
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 are important for their health and entertainment, I tend to believe that governments need to invest
money
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 in education and hospitals rather than in
sports
Use synonyms
stadiums
Use synonyms
Submitted by harshdeepmakhan26 on

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task achievement
Make sure to balance your arguments by adding more information on the benefits of sports stadiums and theatres. This will enrich the essay and provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and transitions smoothly into the next idea. This will enhance the logical flow and clarity of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the essay's position, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay's conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, providing a satisfying closure.
supported main points
The essay does a good job at explaining the importance of healthcare and education sectors, which supports your main argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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