One of the consequences of improving medical care is that people are living longer and life expentancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweight the disdadvantages?

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Over the years life expectancy has increased significantly thanks to science, but can the advantages of
this
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development
outweight
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outweigh
the disadvantages? In
this
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essay, I am going to
analise
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analyse
and respond with my personal opinion to that question. First of all, we have to name all the benefits that the increase
of
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in
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the life
expentancy
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expectancy
rate has
gived
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given
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us.
Firstly
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, one of the consequences that
this
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has, is that over the years
scientifics
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scientists
and doctors have discovered ways to cure
people
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from
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of
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sicknesses that
in
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at
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some point
of
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in
show examples
the
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apply
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history were uncurable.
For example
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, in the
19
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19th
century if someone had an open scar it was very probable that
it
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they
he
she
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would die from an infection, but
in
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apply
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nowadays
that is
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not a problem.
Therefore
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, if we think about the future, maybe in a few years there will be a cure for cancer,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is going to be another cause of why we
people
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are living longer.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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event has its drawbacks that society and especially governments have to
made
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make
show examples
up with solutions.
For instance
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, many countries are having problems with their pension system, because there are more old than young
people
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. Concequently, the actual workers
enoughf
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enough
to finance the older population.
Also
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, there are many
grandphathers
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grandfathers
grandmothers
that do not have a place to stay, because they do not have
eny
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any
family left,
therefore
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, governments should create places for them to stay even when they do not have the money to
finace
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finance
it. In conclusion,
although
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the rise
of
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in
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life
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
rate can have many flaws, the benefits that has and can give to
people
Use synonyms
outweight
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outweigh
outweighs
every disadvantage.
However
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,
this
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do
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does
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not mean that, and as I said earlier, governments will have to create policies that can solve these new problems that might come.
Submitted by samuel.vicuna2003l on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider organizing your ideas more clearly and ensuring each point is fully developed and tied back to the main question.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Using more varied linking words could help.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support the discussion, such as the development of medical cures over time.
task achievement
The essay makes a clear attempt to weigh both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.
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