IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the consequences of improving medical care is that people are living longer and life expentancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweight the disdadvantages?

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Over the years life expectancy has increased significantly thanks to science, but can the advantages of
this
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 development
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages? In
this
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 essay, I am going to
analise
Correct your spelling
analyse
 and respond with my personal opinion to that question. First of all, we have to name all the benefits that the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the life
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 rate has
gived
Correct your spelling
given
show examples
 us.
Firstly
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, one of the consequences that
this
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 has, is that over the years
scientifics
Correct your spelling
scientists
 and doctors have discovered ways to cure
people
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
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 sicknesses that
in
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at
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 some point
of
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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history were uncurable.
For example
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, in the
19
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19th
 century if someone had an open scar it was very probable that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
he
she
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 would die from an infection, but
in
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apply
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nowadays
that is
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 not a problem.
Therefore
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, if we think about the future, maybe in a few years there will be a cure for cancer,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is going to be another cause of why we
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 event has its drawbacks that society and especially governments have to
made
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 up with solutions.
For instance
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, many countries are having problems with their pension system, because there are more old than young
people
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. Concequently, the actual workers
enoughf
Correct your spelling
enough
 to finance the older population.
Also
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, there are many
grandphathers
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grandfathers
grandmothers
 that do not have a place to stay, because they do not have
eny
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any
 family left,
therefore
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, governments should create places for them to stay even when they do not have the money to
finace
Correct your spelling
finance
 it. In conclusion,
although
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 the rise
of
Change preposition
in
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 life
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 rate can have many flaws, the benefits that has and can give to
people
Use synonyms
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 every disadvantage.
However
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,
this
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do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not mean that, and as I said earlier, governments will have to create policies that can solve these new problems that might come.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider organizing your ideas more clearly and ensuring each point is fully developed and tied back to the main question.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Using more varied linking words could help.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support the discussion, such as the development of medical cures over time.
task achievement
The essay makes a clear attempt to weigh both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.
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