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Writing Samples
Band 7

Cases of bullying in school are increasing and worsening. What do you think are the causes of this? How can we tackle this issue?

#cases #school
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It is true that the percentage of school bullying is growing and the cases are worsening.
While
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this
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 is a serious
problem
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, it can be solved by making the
class
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 atmosphere more sensitive to violence. The main cause of the bullying is ignorance of the situation.
Students
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 tend to turn their face away from the
problem
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 because they might get involved and no one will help them. Even
teachers
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 often ignore the
problem
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that is
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 happening in their
class
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 because they think it is too complicated to solve.
In addition
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, several elderly educators have old thoughts about education that
students
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 grow by getting hit or hit.
For instance
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, the majority of
students
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 in Korea fear bullying problems in
class
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 because they don't expect to get protected from the school.
As a result
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, they end up being an observer.
However
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, there are solutions to
this
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problem
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. One of the ways to deal with bullying in school is to produce an environment where
students
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 can feel safe to tell the
problem
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. In
this
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 way,
students
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 can face the problems that are happening in the
class
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 and report to
teachers
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 easily. The most important thing is that they need to feel safe. Recently, schools have placed secret boxes to collect
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
 reports or scheduled
students
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 to have private sessions with
teachers
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 to freely tell the problems. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 bullying caused by the ignorance of
students
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 and
teachers
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 is a huge
problem
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 in society.
Nevertheless
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, the issue can be resolved by paying attention to the
problem
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 between
students
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.
Submitted by yujinkim412 on

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task response
To strengthen your task response, consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your claims, making them more relatable and credible.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, continue to focus on ensuring that your ideas connect smoothly and logically, and consider adding more transition words to guide the reader through your argument.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear overview and summary of your essay.
logical structure
You successfully identify the problems caused by bullying, including ignorance by both students and teachers, and propose workable solutions.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your overall response is clear and comprehensive, with a good focus on the issue of bullying and ways to tackle it.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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