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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it is possible for people to have a variety of food that has been transported from all over the world. To what extent do you think its benefits outweigh the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #variety #food #world
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These days it is possible for folk to have a different kind of
food
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 ,which they bring from different
countries
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 from over the world. Some
people
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 argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages I,
however
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, believe that the pros outweigh the cons. In
this
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 essay, I will present my arguments and draw a logical conclusion. On the one hand, bringing different
kinds
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 of
food
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 from a variety of
countries
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 plays a significant role in growing the economy of the
country
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. To illustrate, that
country
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 will sell the
food
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 to the
country
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 ,and
this
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 will lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in the finances of the
country
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. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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according to
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 the surveys Oman
send
Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
show examples
 around 100 different
kinds
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 of
food
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such
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 as rice, pens, bread, and flour to the Gulf
countries
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 and the profits of that are around 70% of the money.
Consequently
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,
this
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 will lead to benefits from the amount of money to invest to develop the
country
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.
Moreover
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, most
people
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 prefer to try a variety of tastes from different
countries
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.
In other words
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, some
people
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 love to try Indian
food
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 because of its spicy,
whereas
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 others prefer to try Italian meals like pizza and pasta ,
however
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,
this
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 will lead to learning how to cook the
food
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.
As a result
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, they will open restaurants in their
country
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 to bring
people
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 to buy from them. A prime example of that Oman has
a different
Correct the article-noun agreement
a different kind
different kinds
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kinds
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 of restaurants namely Indian, Chinese, and
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
 restaurants.
To sum up
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, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because it will lead to growth in the economy and some
people
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 have a passion for trying
a different
Correct the article-noun agreement
different kinds
a different kind
show examples
kinds
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 of
food
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. The government should awareness among the
people
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 of the benefit of exchanging plenty of
food
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 from another
countrycountry
Correct your spelling
country country
.
Submitted by maha.wed on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing economic growth, mention specific industries or economic data.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining your sentence structures for clarity. Some sentences may benefit from rephrasing or breaking them down into simpler components.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your stance and the overall structure of the argument.
Task Achievement
You clearly provide reasons why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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