IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The big revolution of
technology
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 makes
people
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 extremely busy, all
people
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 spend most of their daily
time
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 on tech entertainment, and
due to
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this
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, they have no
time
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 to gather with each other.
While
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 grandparents spend their
time
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 with others or do physical
activities
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. All in all, I believe
this
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 generation is more different than grandparents because the availabilities are very different. In the beginning, we can admit that today's generation admires devices more than anything because of the modern
technology
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 available, which reduces their physical activity levels. They spend too much
time
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 playing video games, searching on rials with no benefits, chatting with the unknown, and watching TV. All of
this
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 entertainment decreases their physical
activities
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then
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 they will be impacted on their body health. Access to
technology
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 serves as both a distraction and a tool;
while
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 it can be engaged in exercise-oriented apps or programs, it often contributes to increased inactivity among the youth.
Furthermore
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, complexities of modern life like busy schedules, academic pressure, and urban living have reduced the opportunities and
time
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 for young
people
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 to engage in physical
activities
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.
On the other hand
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, parents and grandparents had no chance to use
technology
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 where was
no
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not
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 available.
This
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 is why they had sufficient
time
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 for physical
activities
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 and had a good relationship. But their movement relayed on doing work, they had ever never had a gym or something like a place to do special things. Meanwhile, young
people
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 with modern
technology
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 have the awareness to focus on their healthy bodies during constant exercise, cycling, yoga, and eating a portion of healthy food. In conclusion, we understand the reasons for the differences between generations in their interest, lately, we can say
that
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is
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it
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 all depends on the availabilities for every generation.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 their awareness to keep up with any new things.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to clearly structure your essay into distinct paragraphs with a clear topic sentence and logical flow of ideas. This will help in presenting the logical structure more effectively.
Task Response
Include more specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your argument more convincing and relatable.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify some of the connections between the ideas in your paragraphs to ensure that your reasoning is clear to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your response to the task.
Task Response
Good recognition of the technological differences between generations and how it affects their physical activity.
Task Achievement
You have highlighted the impact of technology on physical activity well, showing a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • leisure activities
  • digital technology
  • urban living
  • academic pressure
  • distractions
  • tech-savvy
  • exercise-oriented apps
  • fitness and health awareness
  • gym workouts
  • cycling
  • yoga
  • inactive lifestyles
  • generational differences
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