Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Living with foreigners in one area is a good experience for life. Learning new cultures, and meeting new people who are from different backgrounds. Nowadays,
this
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phenomenon is called Multicultural Societies, living in these areas can bring advantages and disadvantages at the same time.
Furthermore
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, there are many benefits to living in
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kind of area. Unlocking new experiences to learn another culture without going to the original places, is one of the privileges that not everyone has. Learning new cultures and sharing knowledge together can uncover new perspectives about life. Sometimes, by holding a traditional event and inviting their neighbours to join, they can spend time together, making memories and definitely can make the relationship between them stronger.
On the other hand
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, some negative
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are
following
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this
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situation as well,
such
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as an increased percentage of criminalization and racism.
In addition
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, Criminal points are the most common issue in areas that have many foreigners, not every person who moves to a new area has a good quality of life,
this
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thing can trigger people to do bad
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to others,
for instance
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, stealing stuff, kidnapping and bullying. My opinions, I agree that Multicultural Societies can bring many more positive
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than the opposites, bad
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can happen but the impact depends on how the society reacts if they can see that diversity will give them many good
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, they will live through with the great mindset, and
then
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, the government has responsibilities to make sure safety quality for their peoples.
Submitted by raudahalimah on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using more linking words to connect ideas, ensuring a smooth progression of concepts throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points about the benefits and drawbacks of multicultural societies. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Clarify some of your ideas to ensure they are fully understandable. Avoid ambiguous expressions that might confuse the reader, such as 'bad things can happen but the impact depends.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a holistic view of the topic.
task achievement
The writer addresses the task by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of multicultural societies, showing a balanced understanding.
coherence cohesion
Good use of examples, such as traditional events, illustrates the potential for stronger community bonds in multicultural societies.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • cultural fabric
  • traditions and perspectives
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • tolerance and understanding
  • unity in diversity
  • cultural clashes
  • language barriers
  • multilingualism
  • integration
  • translation services
  • prejudice
  • diversity
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