IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individual and societies.To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #societies
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A handful of
people
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 ponder that social media platforms especially
Facebook
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 brought a plethora of pessimistic effects to
people
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 and the community. I am not in consummate accord with
this
Linking Words
 notion,
however
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, I will highlight both sides in forthcoming paragraphs. The predominant justification to support my viewpoint is that
Facebook
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 has helped
people
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 to interact with different countries and learn about each other cultures. To be more precise, In
this
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 cutting-edge era, with the hand of
Facebook
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people
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 can make friendships or relations outside of their territories and can learn different values and learnings. Another factor is that
Facebook
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 aids folks to earn
money
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 by doing e-commerce business .
For example
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,
people
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 can now easily sell anything on
Facebook
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 marketplace place
such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 their home furniture, handicrafts and many more.
As a result
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,
Facebook
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 has brought reap benefits to society. On the paradoxical side,
people
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 are using the
Facebook
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 platform to earn
money
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 by doing negative activities
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 misusing
people
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's information and blackmailing to get capital from innocents.
For instance
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,
Last
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 year, someone created a fake
Facebook
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 account using my friend's name and picture and asked me for
money
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 by making fake stories.
Consequently
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,
Facebook
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 can be a jeopardy for individuals. In conclusion, without any doubt, is a mixed bag.
However
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, I believe that
Facebook
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 provides more positive aspects to society and
people
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 assisting to create more friends and helping to gain
money
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 by doing an E-commerce business.
Submitted by harmanpreet021804 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on constructing your sentences more clearly and logically to enhance readability and understanding.
task achievement
Try to extend your ideas more comprehensively to give a fuller response to the task, making sure each point is clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Use more diverse linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow of ideas and clearer connections between points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by clearly outlining your stance and what will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
You effectively conclude by summarizing your main points and reiterating your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the use of Facebook Marketplace for business and the negative potential of fake accounts.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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