ies have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Varieties nations are strict about the limited ages for drinking
while
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some countries think the
age
Use synonyms
restriction will make underage people violating and difficult to control. In my view, it will have a negative effect on when limiting the
age
Use synonyms
of drinking. Nowadays, a plethora of countries have an
age
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restriction for
alcohol
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consequences, their assessment of the side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
when juveniles
drink
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alcohol
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can't handle the
effects
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of intoxication as adults and the rate of fights
broke
Wrong verb form
break
show examples
out
due to
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the child's lack of awareness will , which could lead to a serious crime.
In addition
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, young adults don't have there are no harsh laws for
children
Use synonyms
who commit the worst crimes and most of the problems of teenagers come from a lack of awareness.
Therefore
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, if the body receives more
alcohol
Use synonyms
than it can't handle, it will have many negative
effects
Use synonyms
and if grave crimes occur, the
children
Use synonyms
cannot be punished fairly for the victims.
Therefore
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, the best solution for
this
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matter is to limit the
age
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of
children
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.
On the other hand
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, some countries have perspective on
this
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topic as they do not limit the
age
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of
children
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to
drink
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alcohol
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in fact,
this
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is the biggest vulnerability for young adults who want to try to
drink
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so they will pay for police or people who can sale it for them
in particular
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the pub and bar. Subsequence, it can not control
children
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and it is a reminder of the weakness of the law.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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the government knows the side
effects
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such
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as the crime rate in juveniles or physical health problems after drinking too much
alcohol
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since there was young
however
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, it is the responsibility of families to assess and approve whether
children
Use synonyms
can
drink
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or not if they start to
drink
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family it would be safe
then
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.
To sum up
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,
age
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limitation makes teenagers want to try and it leads to cheating by collecting money from
children
Use synonyms
who want to try to break the rules,
however
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, they know the side
effects
Use synonyms
but is the way they choose so it is the family's duty to concern and approve
this
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trouble.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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task response
Try to provide more balanced views on both sides of the argument. Currently, the essay leans heavily towards the negative aspects of age limitation.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly in separate paragraphs with clear topic sentences for each main point.
task response
Support your points with specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and gives a clear final opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on age restrictions for drinking, fulfilling the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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