IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime
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Many today are of the belief that advances in technology have done more to combat, rather than aid, and it leads to an increase in the level of criminal behaviour. In my point of view,
although
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 there are certain novel avenues now available to criminals related to online fraud, technology generally benefits law enforcement.
To begin
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 with, those who argue as to the negative implications of technology on crime point out the increased prevalence of cybercrimes. These
crimes
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 range from online fraud and fishing schemes to political
crimes
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 and the selling of illicit substances. In the early stages of the internet,
such
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crimes
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 were common online and difficult for enforcement agencies to combat. As advances have spread, both law enforcement agencies and criminals have become more technologically savvy. A clear example of
this
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 would be the occasional news article reporting on a large-scale theft of passwords that warns users to update passwords and be more wary of storing private information online.
However
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, the
crimes
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 mentioned above are rare and technological innovations now help prevent many
crimes
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 before they even occur. The strongest instance illustrating
this
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 point would be the deterrence resulting from security
cameras
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 in private and public spaces. Countries and cities that emphasize the value of these
cameras
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 over personal privacy concerns are significantly safer than unmonitored locations. A more specific example of
this
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 would be
cameras
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 that take photos of individuals speeding and send them speeding tickets through the mail or electronically.
This
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 simple and effective innovation can greatly reduce traffic infractions and
as a result
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 the number of accidents on a given road. In conclusion, despite the marginal downsides related to the exploitation of new technologies by a small percentage of total criminals, the deterrent effect of security
cameras
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 has made the world considerably safer. There is always a balance between safety and security that must be carefully maintained.
Submitted by yektaghandi.78 on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph directly addresses the essay question to enhance task response. Consider explicitly restating the essay question in your conclusion for clarity.
coherence cohesion
While your transitions are generally clear, vary your linking words and phrases to create even smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both views on the topic and expresses a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like security cameras and online fraud adds depth to the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
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