IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that employers should not pay attention to the way their employees dress, because the quality of their work is more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A group of people believe that managers ought to not check their workers' style in the workplace owing to the fact that their efficiency at
work
Use synonyms
 is more important than their clothes. I do not subscribe to
this
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 perspective inasmuch as uniforms have a lot of effect on some industries and the method of wearing is a symbol of their
work
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-interest. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that in some companies wearing a uniform or a formal style is really crucial For some reasons.
Firstly
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, when employees of banks and special brands wear formal and the same attire,
then
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 they have a lot of impact on their brand image and they create a chance for customers to be confident in their services and goods.
Secondly
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,
in particular
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 workplaces,
such
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 as refineries, the employees are not able to wear the clothes that they like because in these areas the protection of people's lives is the necessary factor.
On the other hand
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, when the population who
work
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 for corporations wear formal garments for their
work
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 hours, they demonstrate that they are responsible and respectful of the office. In fact, most of the people whose style is formal want to do their duty in the best way and they know that their responsibilities in their
work
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 and other situations are so varied.
Furthermore
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, they are the best item that shows their attitude toward their job.
To sum up
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, employees' dress affects the brand's image and attracts , prevents some evidence, clients and demonstrates workers' efficiency and thinking.
As a result
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, it is a really essential factor to which employers have to pay attention.

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task achievement
Consider improving the clarity of your introduction to clearly state your position on the issue at hand. You might say more explicitly that you agree that appearance matters in many workplaces.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader on what to expect in that section. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples throughout your essay to reinforce your arguments. For instance, you could mention a specific company known for its dress code and how it affects their brand perception.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of the topic and states your position clearly.
task achievement
You provide some relevant points that show an understanding of the subject and its implications in different industries.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple perspectives on the topic, which is commendable and adds depth to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • attire
  • similarity
  • productivity
  • job satisfaction
  • discrimination
  • bias
  • cultural backgrounds
  • professionalism
  • creativity
  • brand image
  • customer confidence
  • responsibility
  • workplace
  • relationship
  • flexibility
  • innovative
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