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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#applicants #universities #european #country #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart demonstrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of international
students
Use synonyms
 who
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
applied to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities in a country in Europe in the period from 2004 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were 4 countries in the bar charts which were China, Japan, USA, and Russia. The trends from 2004 to 2008
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 were different. From 2004 to 2008, The
number
Use synonyms
 of
chinese
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Chinese
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 had decreased.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, The
number
Use synonyms
 of American
students
Use synonyms
 had increased.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of Russian
applicants
Use synonyms
 had
flunctuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Japanese
students
Use synonyms
 had remained approximately the same amount. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detail, The amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
applicants
Use synonyms
 from China
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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steadily decreased from over 25000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2004 to exactly
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2008, more than 10000
nnumber
Correct your spelling
number
 of
applicants
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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deducted.
In contrast
Linking Words
, The
applicants
Use synonyms
 from
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had upwardly increased from over 10000 but less than 15000
applicants
Use synonyms
 to more than 25000
applicants
Use synonyms
 in 2008. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
applicants
Use synonyms
 from Russia
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2005 to 2007 and
raised
Verb problem
rose
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 again in 2008 to almost the same
number
Use synonyms
 as in 2004.
While
Linking Words
, The
number
Use synonyms
 of
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
applicants
Use synonyms
 had remained at slightly over 5000
students
Use synonyms
 almost
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 these years, except in 2008
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 had raised to 10000
number
Use synonyms
 of
applicants
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by panida.phran on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, number, applicants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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