IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In certain countries, some
people
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
very high earnings.
While
Linking Words
 several
people
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that the cases
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 for the
country
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others, including myself, think that there should be
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
government
Use synonyms
regulation
Use synonyms
 to control the amount of
salaries
Use synonyms
. In a positive way,
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 gets the benefit from the high
tax
Use synonyms
 revenue.
However
Linking Words
, if the condition goes
for
Change preposition
on for
show examples
 a long period, it creates
social
Add an article
a social
the social
show examples
gap
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who have a high income can contribute to the development of a
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can support the
country
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 paying a high rate of
tax
Use synonyms
.
Tax
Use synonyms
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 can be used to build and develop infrastructures, which
people
Use synonyms
 need. As an example, in a big city like Jakarta where the high income of
people
Use synonyms
centered
Change the spelling
centred
show examples
, have a high allocation of building infrastructure
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to Yogyakarta.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 use the
tax
Use synonyms
 to build education facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as elementary, junior, and high school,
as well as
Linking Words
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 it.
Consequently
Linking Words
, early education in Indonesia is free for every
citizens
Change to a singular noun
citizen
show examples
. Those
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
gives
Verb problem
apply
show examples
influence
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
city development in a
country
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, several
people
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that it would be better if
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 control the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
salaries
Use synonyms
. I do agree that having
a highly different
Correct the article-noun agreement
a highly different salary
highly different salaries
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
 generates
Use synonyms
gap
Add an article
a gap
show examples
 in the communities.
For example
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the current condition in Indonesia, an influencer can get an
endoresement
Correct your spelling
endorsement
 at 80 million
rupiah
Change to a plural noun
rupiahs
show examples
 for posting a few
second
Change to a plural noun
seconds
show examples
 of a product. Meanwhile, for a civil servant, they need to work for 12 months to get the same amount. If the condition
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a long period, it creates
Correct article usage
an inbalance
show examples
inbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalance
show examples
 life, where the rich can
easiliy
Correct your spelling
easily
 buy a house
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 others cannot afford
in buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 even a tiny house.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I think it is an excellent idea to have a certain
regulation
Use synonyms
 controlling the minimum and maximum
wage
Use synonyms
 of the community.
Use synonyms
Wage
Fix the agreement mistake
Wages
show examples
 among
people
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have to be exactly the same, but at least there should be a
regulation
Use synonyms
 that
control
Change the verb form
controls
show examples
 the rational range of
salaries
Use synonyms
 for each occupation. In Indonesia, we have a policy regulating a minimum
wage
Use synonyms
 in each
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
province, but not specific
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each job. If new
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
proposed
Add a missing verb
are proposed
show examples
 to limit the maximum and minimum
wage
Use synonyms
, there will not be any huge
gap
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, having
a very high
Correct the article-noun agreement
a very high salary
very high salaries
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
 for a few
people
Use synonyms
 can be good for a
country
Use synonyms
 in terms of
tax
Use synonyms
 income.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 generates
Use synonyms
gap
Add an article
a gap
show examples
 in the community which is not good for the
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the
country
Use synonyms
.
Government
Use synonyms
regulation
Use synonyms
 related to a range of rational
salaries
Use synonyms
 better
propose
Change the verb form
proposes
show examples
 to minimize the social
gap
Use synonyms
 between citizens.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Some sentences have minor grammatical errors that can distract from the main point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop arguments more fully and ensure that each paragraph links logically to the others. This will help in creating a more cohesive essay.
Task Achievement
Address both views with equal depth to ensure a balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate points, especially to enhance understanding and support arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
You've provided relevant examples, such as the comparison between Jakarta and Yogyakarta, which help clarify your points and make your argument more concrete.
Task Achievement
The overall task is addressed, with both perspectives on high salaries and government control discussed.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
What to do next:
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