In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In certain countries, some
people
have Use synonyms
a
very high earnings. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
While
several Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
belief
that the cases Replace the word
believe
good
for the Add a missing verb
are good
country
, Use synonyms
but
Correct word choice
apply
to
others, including myself, think that there should be Change preposition
apply
any
Correct determiner usage
no
government
Use synonyms
regulation
to control the amount of Use synonyms
salaries
. In a positive way, Use synonyms
Use synonyms
country
gets the benefit from the high Add an article
the country
a country
tax
revenue. Use synonyms
However
, if the condition goes Linking Words
for
a long period, it creates Change preposition
on for
social
Add an article
a social
the social
gap
.
Use synonyms
People
who have a high income can contribute to the development of a Use synonyms
country
. Use synonyms
For instance
, they can support the Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
through
paying a high rate of Change preposition
by
tax
. Use synonyms
Tax
Use synonyms
service
can be used to build and develop infrastructures, which Fix the agreement mistake
services
people
need. As an example, in a big city like Jakarta where the high income of Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
centered
, have a high allocation of building infrastructure Change the spelling
centred
compare
to Yogyakarta. Wrong verb form
compared
Moreover
, the Linking Words
government
use the Use synonyms
tax
to build education facilities, Use synonyms
such
as elementary, junior, and high school, Linking Words
as well as
Linking Words
maintaining
it. Wrong verb form
maintain
Consequently
, early education in Indonesia is free for every Linking Words
citizens
. Those Change to a singular noun
citizen
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
gives
influence Verb problem
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
the
city development in a Correct article usage
apply
country
.
Use synonyms
On the contrary
, several Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
belief
that it would be better if Replace the word
believe
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
can
control the Wrong verb form
could
amount
of Change the quantifier
number
salaries
. I do agree that having Use synonyms
a highly different
Correct the article-noun agreement
a highly different salary
highly different salaries
salaries
generates Use synonyms
Use synonyms
gap
in the communities. Add an article
a gap
For example
Linking Words
at
the current condition in Indonesia, an influencer can get an Change preposition
in
endoresement
at 80 million Correct your spelling
endorsement
rupiah
for posting a few Change to a plural noun
rupiahs
second
of a product. Meanwhile, for a civil servant, they need to work for 12 months to get the same amount. If the condition Change to a plural noun
seconds
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
in
a long period, it creates Change preposition
over
Correct article usage
an inbalance
inbalance
life, where the rich can Correct your spelling
imbalance
easiliy
buy a house Correct your spelling
easily
where
others cannot afford Correct word choice
whereas
in buying
even a tiny house.
Change preposition
to buy
Furthermore
, I think it is an excellent idea to have a certain Linking Words
regulation
controlling the minimum and maximum Use synonyms
wage
of the community. Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Wage
among Fix the agreement mistake
Wages
people
Use synonyms
does
not have to be exactly the same, but at least there should be a Correct subject-verb agreement
do
regulation
that Use synonyms
control
the rational range of Change the verb form
controls
salaries
for each occupation. In Indonesia, we have a policy regulating a minimum Use synonyms
wage
in each Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
the
province, but not specific Correct article usage
apply
on
each job. If new Change preposition
to
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
proposed
to limit the maximum and minimum Add a missing verb
are proposed
wage
, there will not be any huge Use synonyms
gap
in Use synonyms
the
society.
In conclusion, having Correct article usage
apply
a very high
Correct the article-noun agreement
a very high salary
very high salaries
salaries
for a few Use synonyms
people
can be good for a Use synonyms
country
in terms of Use synonyms
tax
income. Use synonyms
However
, it Linking Words
also
generates Linking Words
Use synonyms
gap
in the community which is not good for the Add an article
a gap
people
who live in the Use synonyms
country
. Use synonyms
Government
Use synonyms
regulation
related to a range of rational Use synonyms
salaries
better Use synonyms
propose
to minimize the social Change the verb form
proposes
gap
between citizens.Use synonyms
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Some sentences have minor grammatical errors that can distract from the main point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop arguments more fully and ensure that each paragraph links logically to the others. This will help in creating a more cohesive essay.
Task Achievement
Address both views with equal depth to ensure a balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate points, especially to enhance understanding and support arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
You've provided relevant examples, such as the comparison between Jakarta and Yogyakarta, which help clarify your points and make your argument more concrete.
Task Achievement
The overall task is addressed, with both perspectives on high salaries and government control discussed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.