IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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It is often argued that there should be fewer working
days
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 and longer weekends. In
this
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 essay, I will dive into the depth of why I disagree with
this
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 approach.
Firstly
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, rapid economic and technological growth demands an increase in productivity and the
amount
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 of
work
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 a person can handle.
This
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 is because , in highly competitive working environments
such
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 as finance, medicine, and technology, companies usually have extremely high expectations with regard to the
amount
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 and quality of
work
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 that their new employee should handle.
For example
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, junior emergency doctors are required to take long shifts and
work
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 on a daily basis
due to
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 the increasing
amount
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 of emergency cases that come to the hospital every day. Contrastly, if working
days
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 were reduced in
such
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 a stressful environment, patients and urgent cases might not be treated well, and many lives would not be saved.
Secondly
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, studies have shown that with a good
work
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-life balance, people can overcome the probable problems associated with
work
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 stress,
such
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 as physical and mental exhaustion, depression, and reduced creativity and innovation.
This
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 can be achieved by creating more relaxing, stress-free environments, and nowadays, many companies are adopting that criteria by providing their employees with financial rewards, vacation
days
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, the appreciation they deserve, and much more.
Moreover
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, bigger associations
such
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 as Microsoft now have policies restricting the
amount
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 of overtime weekly as a way of avoiding the exploitation of new employees and fresh graduates who often tend to overwork themselves to prove their place. In conclusion, despite the fact that overwork can lead to several mental and physical issues, the number of working
days
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 should not be reduced, but
instead
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 look for creating better working environments.
Submitted by m.mahmoud.2005 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the logical structure by organizing the essay into clear, well-defined paragraphs to make it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and help link different parts of the essay more effectively.
task achievement
Try to expand a little more on each argument to deepen the analysis and provide a fuller response to the task.
task achievement
Elaborate a bit more on the conclusion to summarize key points and reinforce the overall stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that help frame the discussion neatly.
task achievement
Provided a well-focused argument against reducing working days supported by specific examples.
task achievement
The essay utilizes relevant examples, like the one involving junior emergency doctors, to back up the main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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