IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #phones #school
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The debate on whether children should use mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 during school hours reflects a deeper tension between traditional educational values and technological modernity. Proponents of prohibition argue that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 corrode cognitive faculties and disrupt learning. Cognitive research highlights “digital dependency,” where reliance on devices diminishes problem-solving and attention spans. Notifications and curated content fragment focus, undermining sustained intellectual engagement.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these devices foster superficial digital interactions, replacing authentic social bonds and stifling emotional intelligence critical to interpersonal development.
Conversely
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, advocates assert that banning mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 reflects an inability to adapt to a digitised world. Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
, far from mere distractions, enhance education through interactive tools and personalised learning platforms,
such
Linking Words
 as virtual laboratories or collaborative apps. They
also
Linking Words
 provide security, allowing communication between pupils and families during emergencies, a necessity in today’s climate of heightened safety concerns. Their utility extends beyond academics, equipping students with technological fluency indispensable for modern life. The solution lies in a balanced framework. Rather than imposing outright bans, schools can regulate usage, integrating mobile technologies into classrooms
while
Linking Words
 restricting them during social and recreational periods.
For example
Linking Words
, devices could support lesson plans through educational apps, with designated “phone-free zones” fostering interpersonal connections. Simultaneously, schools must prioritise teaching digital literacy, empowering pupils to utilise technology responsibly and effectively. Ultimately, the debate underscores the need to harmonise technology with humanistic education. By adopting a nuanced approach, educators can nurture students who are both technologically adept and emotionally grounded, ready to navigate an increasingly complex world.
Submitted by nihat.suleyman08 on

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the main points, consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention particular educational apps or tools that enhance learning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Although the essay flows well, improving transitional phrases can lead to even better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively encapsulates the main points, offering a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough response to the task, addressing both viewpoints and presenting a personal opinion with sound reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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