IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

“Prevention is better than cure.” To what extent do you agree?

The assertion that preventing illness is superior to treating it in terms of effectiveness and cost-efficiency is widely held. Given the considerable financial burden associated with medical research and
treatment
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, some advocate for increased prioritization of preventive measures.
This
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 viewpoint aligns strongly with my own perspective
,
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apply
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while
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 acknowledging the continued significance of
treatment
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 within
healthcare
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 systems. Primarily, prevention demonstrably offers greater cost-effectiveness compared to
treatment
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. Measures
such
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 as vaccinations, public health awareness campaigns, and routine screenings can effectively mitigate or preclude the development of diseases, thereby alleviating the financial strain on
healthcare
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 infrastructure.
For instance
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, anti-smoking initiatives and taxation policies targeting tobacco products have successfully reduced smoking prevalence in numerous countries, ultimately leading to a decline in cases of lung cancer and heart disease.
Furthermore
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, preventive strategies contribute significantly to an elevated quality of life. By encouraging healthy lifestyles, balanced dietary choices, and regular physical activity, individuals can maintain optimal well-being and avoid chronic conditions
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and hypertension.
In contrast
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, relying on
treatment
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 after the onset of illness may result in lifelong dependence on medication, surgical interventions, and hospital visits, potentially causing emotional and physical distress. It is crucial to recognize that not all diseases are preventable. Genetic disorders, unforeseen accidents, and certain infections necessitate ongoing research and advanced medical
treatment
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.
Consequently
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, investment in medical innovation and
healthcare
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 infrastructure remains imperative. Prevention and cure should be viewed as complementary approaches rather than mutually exclusive entities. In summation,
while
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 effective medical
treatment
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 is undeniably essential, prioritizing preventive
healthcare
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 offers both economic and social advantages. Governments and health organizations should allocate increased resources to preventive initiatives to cultivate a healthier and more sustainable future for all.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed explanation of some examples to enhance the clarity of your arguments. Additionally, try to further explore counterarguments or alternative viewpoints in a more comprehensive manner.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to your overall argument. This will improve the flow and cohesiveness of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position with strong arguments supporting the thesis, showcasing good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The use of examples, such as anti-smoking initiatives, effectively illustrates the points made about prevention and enhances the overall persuasiveness of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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