IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Radio will no longer be able to hold its presence, as television and internet media will replace it very soon. Do you agree or disagree?

#radio #presence #television #internet #media
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In the technology-savvy world, because of the advancement of technology, more and more people are choosing TV and social media
instead
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 of
radio
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. If questioned, I firmly bolster
with
Change preposition
apply
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this
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 notion. My justification is elaborated
further
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. There are several compelling reasons. The most
prominet
Correct your spelling
prominent
 one is entertainment. To elaborate
further
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, certain children and elderly spend considerable intervals on their mobile phones and watching cartoons in order to get enjoyment. One good
illustation
Correct your spelling
illustration
 is that
,
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apply
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 any worker and pupil
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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feels
monotonus
Correct your spelling
monotonous
, and
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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 day makes them mentally fragile.
Therefore
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, during leisure time they will select to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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move
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movies
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 or
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
as well as
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scrolling
Wrong verb form
scroll
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 social media in terms of
getting
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apply
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relaxation as in
the
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apply
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googlebox, there will be ample options for movies, serials and games. Another striking reason is
that
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apply
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enhancing knowledge about
another countries
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another country
other countries
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. To add to
this
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, anyone can able to explore different
culture
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cultures
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 and
tradition
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traditions
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with
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while
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 sitting at home.
For example
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, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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folks
can
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are
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 not
be
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apply
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able to afford tourism,
hence
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, it will be convenient for them to see different places on
screen
Add an article
the screen
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 and
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
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 knowledge about various notions
as well as
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 they can save
a
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apply
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time as in two hours you will know everything about
an
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apply
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one country.
Nonetheless
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, I shall not overlook the opposite side, too. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
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 with,
radio
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own significance. With the
radio
Use synonyms
, individuals will come to know about
out
Correct your spelling
our
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 ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 and old memories connected to
out
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our
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grand parents
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grandparents
show examples
.
Thus
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,
to conclude
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 the discussion, it can be
finally
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 commented that despite
radio
Use synonyms
 holds ancient memories, my justification convinces that from the media,
enyone
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anyone
 can get pleasure and knowledge about
traditon
Correct your spelling
tradition
 is logically acceptable.
Submitted by DARSHITA on

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. This will help the reader connect the points more effortlessly.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for repeated grammatical errors such as verb tense and agreement, which might hinder comprehension.
task achievement
Extend your examples with more detail to make them more compelling.
task achievement
Work on areas with missing elaboration. Expand ideas to give the reader a fuller picture.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You provided multiple angles to the topic, which shows depth in your task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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