IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is widely believed that transportation is the main source of pollution. While some believe governments should address this, others believe this is the responsibility of individuals.Discuss both sides of this

Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that transportation is the main reason for
pollution
Use synonyms
 on the
earth
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 a bit of them believe that the governments should take
the whole
Correct word choice
full
show examples
 responsibility for
pollution
Use synonyms
 ,
however
Linking Words
,the rest of them think that the individual
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to care about that problem.In my opinion, I strongly agree that governments should be conscious of
this
Linking Words
 problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it has the right to save the
earth
Use synonyms
 and to create rules that help develop the community in a better way. On the one hand , when the government give attention to these problems it will be reduced and everybody will obey
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 rules because they don'
t
Use synonyms
 have a chance to ignore
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reason that ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will get paid if they don'
t
Use synonyms
 accept the conditions.
For example
Linking Words
, governments nowadays focus on the combustion of fuel and ban it , so if someone does use it , there will be bad consequences for him and maybe he will stay in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison for a period of time , so
people
Use synonyms
 get afraid of that and they stopped using
this
Linking Words
 criteria. On the one hand , if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual takes responsibility for
pollution
Use synonyms
 the world will be changed in a better way as they can use greener transportation ,
however
Linking Words
,unfortunately,
people
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
 age and time don'
t
Use synonyms
 care about the environment , and they think that the air is renewed every day so we can'
t
Use synonyms
 rely on
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 situation .For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
 they
attend
Verb problem
tend
show examples
 to use smart cars that require a lot of gases that have a huge effect on the air and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decreases
Correct subject-verb agreement
decrease
show examples
 the
pollution
Use synonyms
 and toxic gases in the
earth
Use synonyms
 , and the main damage will be on the animals , the variety of animals will be reduced as well.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , the government has the hand to solve the problems in the community and without it, we can'
t
Use synonyms
 live in peace.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can say that
people
Use synonyms
 could help the environment and decrease the
pollution
Use synonyms
 if they were reached at school how the
pollution
Use synonyms
 is the
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
 thing to the
earth
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to ensure your ideas are linked more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence. Some transitional phrases and clearer links between ideas would help the reader follow your argument more effectively.
task achievement
In some places, your arguments could benefit from further development with richer vocabulary or more varied sentence structures to illustrate your points.
task achievement
Make sure to balance your discussion on both sides; the arguments regarding individuals' responsibility could be explored further for a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets out the key debate and states your opinion effectively.
task achievement
You provide supportive examples to back your viewpoint, strengthening your task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: