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Writing Samples
Band 5

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, encouraging them to buy toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisements claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#amount #children #toys #snacks #parents #advertisements #pressure #information
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There is an opinion that there is an enhanced show of advertising that focuses on
children
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, stimulating them to purchase dolls and fast food.
Due to
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this
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, most parents are normally worried about the effects of these advertisements on their
children
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. Unlike
this
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, there are others that have a useful impact on
children
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. Advertising is the most popular way to explain and encourage people to buy something. It has sufficient ability to affect all bodies, especially
children
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. The main reason for affecting kids is because they are not enough mature and have no experience or money responsibilities to control on budget. Interesting advertisements certainly stimulate them to buy toys or snacks.
For instance
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, online games, parpi dolls, chocolate cake, cookies, french fries, and pasta, are all these things admired and loved by kids. But almost most of them have only disadvantages for growing up
children
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, like, obesity, losing time, and low eyes vision. All in all, parents feel upset about all these issues
in addition
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 they might find a reasonable solution.
On the other hand
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, some advertising has advantages for all,
for example
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, boy care, perfume, and special activities avenues that encourage adolescents to take care of their healthy bodies, and constantly exercise. In conclusion, the following advertisement is responsible for all family members to manage their
children
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's
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
 in and discuss with them about advantages and disadvantages of advertising.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

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task achievement
Develop each viewpoint more distinctly and provide additional specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples are directly relevant and support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Try to better integrate supporting points within each paragraph for clearer understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline the topic and your stance, which gives a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have managed to present both sides of the argument, addressing the prompt well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialism
  • Self-esteem
  • Peer pressure
  • Obesity
  • Creativity
  • Eating habits
  • Educational value
  • Moderating influence
  • Marketing strategies
  • Unhealthy snacks
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