IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagrams illustrate the areas and types of
dance
Use synonyms
 classes that
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 usually join in certain
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most common place that people attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, is the private studios followed by
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 hall.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ballet classes are
highl
Correct your spelling
highly
high
 Attended by people aged under 11.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
11
Change preposition
of 11
show examples
-16 are largely interested in modern dances.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, the highest percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 are taking these classes in private studios with 48%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, 24% and 18% prefer school halls ( after school time) and common halls, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, college-based studios get the lowest number of attendance (10%). Regarding the age group, ballet is the highest type of
dance
Use synonyms
 that
students
Use synonyms
 under 11 are demanding with 600
students
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 in modern
dance
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half (300
students
Use synonyms
),
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it reaches approximately 430
students
Use synonyms
 in tap
dance
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
students
Use synonyms
 aged 11-16 are significantly interested in modern
dance
Use synonyms
 with nearly 530
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the number drops slightly in tap
dance
Use synonyms
 reaching 420 but
further
Linking Words
 declines in ballet as it
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
 the least interested by
this
Linking Words
 age group.
Submitted by ruaa.fatoohi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: