IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
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There is a widely held view that there is no natural habitat for
animals
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, especially wild ones, in order to survive and rescue them from a serious threat. Personally, I wholeheartedly subscribe to
this
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 idea, since each and every animal around the world are interdependent
thus
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, the massive extinction of these types of
animals
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 will lead to the destruction of humanity and the environment.
To begin
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 with, It is essential to mention that the loss of
animals
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 is often related to the loss of the natural places where they live. As more and more rainforests are being cut down to facilitate the transportation services for urbanized areas,
such
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 as making roads.
Additionally
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, environmentalists popping up factories and
then
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 followed by consuming fossil fuels will definitely have detrimental effects on
animals
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' lives, as for preparing the fuels, the majority of trees, which are known as the lungs of the earth, are destroyed.
Thus
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, the major issues that major cities face these days, like increasing the number of people who suffer from lung sicknesses or the extinction of scarce types of
animals
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 , are related to
this
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.
Second,
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when biodiversity is interrupted, the lives of humans
also
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 get worse. because a wide range of crops and agricultural products consumed by each and every person relied on
animals
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. To illustrate, honeybees contribute to pollinating two-thirds of the world's plants,
Additionally
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, vegetations require insects and bees to disperse their seeds. The disappearance of the wild will render plants unable to reproduce,
therefore
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this
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 matter leads to droughts and famine and every species needs to rely on the other to survive and to be alive. All in all, As mentioned, the existence of wild
animals
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 goes hand in hand with individuals, and Personally support the idea that if a community are to thrive,
this
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 is our responsibility to protect the
animals
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 at any cost
Submitted by yektaghandi.78 on

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task achievement
Try to clarify the connection between the depletion of resources like fossil fuels and the threat to wild animals. This will enhance the strength of your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay stays directly on the topic and avoids any digression. This helps maintain clarity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure to enhance coherence. Complex ideas can be broken down into simpler sentences to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your response.
task achievement
You effectively highlighted the interdependence between humans and wildlife, enhancing the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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