IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

rev----jan---It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, it is often said that the majority of
students
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 are less interested in
science
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 subjects which makes
this
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 major lack of
students
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 in many countries.
This
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 essay will explore the causes of
this
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 phenomenon and
also
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 discuss the potential impacts it may bring on society. One may have reasons for choosing to pursue other majors
instead
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 of
science
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 as their interest. First and foremost, the quality of teaching influences some people to think twice when applying
this
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 subject. Poor quality of teaching can lead to misunderstanding and a negative attitude towards
science
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.
For example
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, first-grade children
confused
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are confused
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 about the concept of basic mathematics
due to
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 inappropriate learning methods.
Consequently
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, their core memory remembers if
this
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 class is difficult and confusing which makes them hesitate to learn more.
This
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 highlights how teachers and schools affect
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students
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students'
student's
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 decisions to choose various fields for their future, including
science
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.
Moreover
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, studying
science
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 often necessitates a large budget. To illustrate, prospective engineers need high-specification laptops to support their coursework, which are more expensive than common laptops. In
such
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 cases, individuals from less wealthy families may not be able to take
this
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 major even though they have the willpower into it.
However
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,
this
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 issue is expected to lead to various consequences, especially for society.
Firstly
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, some nations may face challenges in social well-being because of a shortage of professionals.
For example
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, rural areas struggle to find enough doctors to dedicate to public health services, which means the health rate in these regions could decrease.
Secondly
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, some experts may threatened to lose their jobs, particularly
science
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 teachers, because of a lack of
students
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.
This
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 situation could lead to an increase in the unemployment rate. In conclusion,
this
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 issue arises because of inadequate teaching methods and funding challenges, and it could ultimately impact public welfare and economic progress.

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task achievement
Consider providing more examples or details about why students may prefer other fields over science for a more exhaustive exploration of factors beyond teaching quality and cost.
task achievement
Try to elaborate further on the connection between the shortage of science students and broader societal impacts beyond employment concerns, such as technological or scientific advancement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next, possibly using transitional phrases to enhance coherence throughout the essay.
task achievement
You clearly present a complete response that identifies both causes and effects related to the underrepresentation of students in science, fulfilling the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frames the essay nicely, providing a clear start and a sensible closure to your argument.
task achievement
You provided specific examples that solidly bolster your points, like the need for high-specification laptops and rural healthcare shortages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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