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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more young people are watching real-life violence due to the growth of online videos on social networks. This could cause societal problems in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

#people #violence #growth #videos #networks #future
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The growth of social media platforms,
such
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 as YouTube and Vimeo, has led to a wide range of video
content
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 including actual
violence
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 becoming readily available to view. Some believe that exposing young
people
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 to
this
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 kind of
content
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 may have a negative impact on society in the future.
However
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, I would argue that
this
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 issue
is
Verb problem
has
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 less to do with the online
content
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 itself and more to do with parental responsibility and the way we as a society view
violence
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. First of all, Young
people
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 have been exposed to
violence
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 in different formats for many years. There is upsetting and violent
content
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 on television, in films and sometimes in news reports. Of course, parents can monitor
children
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's access to TV
content
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 – but parental controls are available on the Internet, too, so the issue
is
Verb problem
has
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 far more to do with how, or whether, parents control what
children
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 see, rather than how the
content
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 itself is delivered.
Secondly
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, the importance of education and individual responsibility cannot be overstated. At home and in schools,
children
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 need to be taught not to be violent and to understand the difference between right and wrong.
This
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 is likely to have a more far-reaching effect on behaviour than any online video
content
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.
This
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 is highlighted in cultural studies where
children
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 often follow the life patterns of their parents. In summary, the widespread availability of real-life violent
content
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 caused by the growth of online video on social media cannot be blamed for future societal problems. There has been
violence
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 in many types of media for a long time, and in any case,
people
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 are more than
a
Correct article usage
the
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 sum of what they watch. Educated, rational
people
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 do not simply copy actions that they see in videos.
Submitted by dream2cuwed on

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relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument, such as studies or statistics related to the impact of digital content on young people's behavior.
logical structure
Ensure seamless transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents a clear introduction with a strong thesis statement and a concise conclusion that restates your stance effectively.
complete response
You have achieved a good degree of task response by fully addressing both sides of the argument and providing a compelling viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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