In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

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There is no denying the fact that the

lengh

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length

people

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's life is a controversial matter to be discussed.

While

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it is held belief that

people

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are now living

long

Rephrase

longer

show examples

than ever before and that will cause a

population

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increase which creates a burden for

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government

Add an article

the government

show examples

, there is

also

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an argument that

encourage

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encourages

show examples

the growth of

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

population

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This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both points of view and express my

opinon

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opinion

. On one hand,

population

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growth means that

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government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should increase their resources in order to cover all their requirements.

In other words

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food

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the food

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, health and education sectors should be developed and

improve

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improved

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to cover

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population's

Correct article usage

the population's

show examples

needs.

In addition

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, elderly

people

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's numbers will

rose

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rise

show examples

significantly which

require

Correct subject-verb agreement

requires

show examples

allocating health and care facilities that provide assistance for them.

For example

Linking Words

Use synonyms

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

will spend on their requirements a high budget that should be allocated

Change preposition

show examples

other beneficial sectors

such

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as industry.

On the other hand

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, old

people

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have a

supstantial

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substantial

impact on their communities. It is

also

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possible to say that these

people

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constructed our country and

shape

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shaped

show examples

our

government

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this

Linking Words

form today.

Therefore

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, their

experties

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expertise

and perspectives are essential for our own development.

For instance

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increasing

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the increasing

show examples

elderly

population

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will assist us to avoid repeating their mistakes by taking their consultation. In conclusion, there are no easy

answer

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answers

show examples

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that having a significant elderly

population

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will hectic the

government

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with various concerns.

Submitted by omima7a7md on Mon Jan 06 2025

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Coherence and Cohesion

Work on improving sentence structure and clarity to enhance the flow of your writing. This will make your arguments stronger.

Task Achievement

Develop your ideas more fully and aim to use more specific examples to support your arguments.

Task Achievement

Consider revisiting your essay with a focus on reducing grammatical errors and improving word choice for precise expression.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay successfully includes an introduction and a conclusion, giving a clear frame to the ideas discussed.

Task Achievement

The essay covers both perspectives on the issue, which provides a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

239 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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