IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs they want, while others think they should be more realistic about their future careers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #jobs #future #careers
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In
this
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 modern
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
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 the freedom of action is a heated
disscution
Correct your spelling
discussion
 among people, many argue that young people should be allowed to choose their future career based on their
intrests
Correct your spelling
interests
while
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 others believe that they should not
fantesize
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fantasize
fantasized
 about the future.
However
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, having a realistic
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 follows many financial advantages but,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 stand with the first opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, choosing a career for the youth
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
allways
Correct your spelling
always
 been a very challenging state in life and making a
finall dessicion
Correct your spelling
final decision
 could depend on many factors. which the first and foremost reason
being
Change preposition
for being
show examples
 realistic in
this
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 field could be the financial needs.
for instance
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, I recently found
my self
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myself
show examples
intrested
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interested
 in architecture and
intrior
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interior
designs
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design
show examples
while
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,
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apply
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 I just have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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graduated in
data base
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database
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 science in order to
recive
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receive
 higher
sallaries
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salaries
.
On the other hand
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, individuals
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
 their dream job
,
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apply
show examples
 leads to more
egear
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gear
 and
pattion
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passion
 for making money in that field.
Moreover
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, creativity can result in new inventions and better
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
show examples
meeting
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to meeting
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 the challenges in career life.
Consequntly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, taking myself as an example, If financial and
ecconomis
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economic
 issues
was
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were
show examples
 not considered I would be a
sucssesful
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successful
 designer who has made
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of money on her new ideas in home decoration.
To conclude
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, choosing careers depend on our
intrests
Correct your spelling
interests
 not only
satesfies
Correct your spelling
satisfies
 our mind but
also
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 could contain many hidden merits within.
Submitted by ni.safareh on

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language
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy. This will help in making your ideas clearer and improve the coherence of your essay.
cohesion
Enhance cohesion by improving the flow of paragraphs, ensuring smoother transitions between ideas.
task response
Provide a clearer stance in the conclusion, summarizing the key points discussed in the essay to reinforce your argument.
content
The essay presents both views on the topic effectively, reflecting a balanced discussion.
relevance
You provided personal examples to illustrate the points, which strengthens the argument and makes it relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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