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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

people tend to move to rural areas, on the other hand, a decrease in population in the countryside has a problem

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In many nations, rural
people
Use synonyms
 tend to move to cities, leading to a decrease in the population in the countryside. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 tendency is a negative shift as it can contribute to creating overpopulation-related issues and eroding local traditions. First and foremost, one compelling argument supporting my stance is that an enormous number of
people
Use synonyms
 gathering in a single area can cause adverse impacts on urban society. To illustrate, in Tokyo, where
people
Use synonyms
 have relocated from both home and abroad over the years, they have faced social issues
due to
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 demographic transformation,
such
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 as a rise in housing prices and inefficiencies in public transportation. As for public transportation, the increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 using it has made it inconvenient for locals, forcing them to consider alternative routes for commuting to work or school.
Moreover
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, a decrease in the population in rural areas can disrupt the maintenance of traditions and customs. It is significantly evident that the fewer
people
Use synonyms
 there are, the more challenging it is for society to conserve these activities. Specifically, in Japan, local governments have halted traditional events since it has been difficult to collect adequate audiences and manage them.
Instead
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, regardless of their traditions and histories, they have launched initiatives aimed at generating revenue.
Hence
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, the loss of population can lead to an erosion of local identities. In conclusion, the influx of
people
Use synonyms
 from rural areas poses social issues by undermining the convenience of public transportation and local intangible assets.
Thus
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, I believe that by implementing regulations on the influx, governments should strive to manage the quality of residents' lives and conserve invaluable assets in the countryside.

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coherence caution
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your points.
cohesion caution
Make sure to maintain a consistent tone and perspective throughout the essay to enhance coherence.
task achievement highlight
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, with a clear position and arguments.
task achievement highlight
Relevant and specific examples are used effectively to illustrate main points.
coherence cohesion highlight
A logical structure is maintained from introduction to conclusion, making the development of ideas easy to follow.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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