IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone including young people to save money for theeir future to what extent do you agree or disagree with thhis statement?

#people #money #theeir #future #thhis
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that
money
Use synonyms
 is a valuable resource and
people
Use synonyms
 have to use it wisely.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is the best way to ensure a bright future, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that learning
people
Use synonyms
 especially youths about financial management is a primary need nowadays.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
money
Use synonyms
 is the source that
people
Use synonyms
 depend on to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
achieve their dreams.
In other words
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 will offer you the chance to reach a variety of opportunities
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 educational, commercial and social
acheivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, teaching children the concept of “Black day” is crucial.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to use
money
Use synonyms
effciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
although
Linking Words
 of the
absense
Correct your spelling
absence
 of financial distress. Another point to consider, saving capital will improve a person’s skills and personality. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that a person who saves
money
Use synonyms
 will gain a number of advantages that will have a positive impact on his personality.
In addition
Linking Words
, having a diversified income will give you the chance to explore your
abillities
Correct your spelling
abilities
.
For instance
Linking Words
, entering the commercial sector by opening a store will give you the possibility to deal with different
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultures,
therefore
Linking Words
 you will enhance your personality and increase your self-confidence. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views I believe that it is vital to raise
awearness
Correct your spelling
awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the importance of
money
Use synonyms
 saving.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I highly encourage educational members to teach students from
elementary
Correct article usage
the elementary
show examples
 level how to save
money
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 high school
puplis
Correct your spelling
pupils
 how to invest and build a
well diversified
Add a hyphen
well-diversified
show examples
portifolio
Correct your spelling
portfolio
.
Submitted by aishahaldawai.253 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

example
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, which will strengthen your essay further. Adding real-life examples or statistics can make your points more compelling.
clarity
To improve clarity and comprehension, consider elaborating on your ideas a bit more. This will help in conveying a full understanding of your points.
structure
Your essay presents a solid structure, starting with a clear introduction and concluding effectively. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
understanding
You have effectively introduced the topic and expressed your viewpoint with adequate reasoning, which showcases your understanding of the topic.
organization
The ideas are well-organized into paragraphs, each focused on different aspects of the argument, which contributes positively to the coherence of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: