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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Essay #3: Some people think that traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #games #children #abilities
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Many people argue that playing traditional
games
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 might help
children
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 develop their
skills
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 more than modern
game
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games
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. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion for several reasons.
To begin
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 with, the idea of participating
traditional
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in traditional
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games
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 is beneficial because it can help
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children in
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children's
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 physical well-being.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that youngsters tend to be required to perform some physical activities during playing time so that they
could
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can
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 strengthen their physical
skills
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.
For instance
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,
hide and seek
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hide-and-seek
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game
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games
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 can foster
children
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 to gain their abilities of fast running, object seeking and
surroundings
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surrounding
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 witnessing. As
such
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, youngsters involving those
games
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 can develop their physical abilities.
In addition
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, another rationale behind my belief is that
children
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 can raise their soft
skills
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 by playing
time-honored
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time-honoured
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games
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 with their peers.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the competition of those
games
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what
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which
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 demand
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 and communication
skills
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 from young players.
It
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This
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 can be seen in the case of the game Capture the Flag which could involve two teams
to perform
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performing
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 it based on
collaborating
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collaboration
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 among
team mates
Correct your spelling
teammates
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.
Therefore
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, by taking part in traditional
games
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 like
this
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,
children
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 can develop their collaboration and
team work
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teamwork
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skills
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.
Moreover
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, almost traditional
games
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 organized in outdoor areas
what
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apply
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can provide opportunities
to
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for
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children
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 to discover
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
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this
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to the growth of
youngster’s
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters’
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 cognitive about
environment
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environmental
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 reservation. In conclusion, for the reason I have mentioned above, I maintain that in order to develop abilities,
children
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 should take part in traditional
games
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. It is advisable that adults have to ensure the safety condition
for
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of
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 their
child
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children
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 in involving
that
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apply
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such
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games
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.
Submitted by quangminh3000 on

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction by providing a brief overview of what constitutes traditional and modern games. This can provide more context to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Currently, the essay is mostly logically structured, but transitions can be improved for smoother flow. Make a conscious effort to vary your linking words or phrases instead of repeating similar structures.
coherence cohesion
A well-structured introduction and conclusion, making it clear what your stance is from the outset and summarizing your main points effectively at the end.
task achievement
The essay provides clear examples to support your points, especially in illustrating how traditional games benefit physical and teamwork skills.
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