People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past, what do you think that is the reason for this? What are tha consequences for the people and people around them?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently, if we compare
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
now to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
,
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
sleep too much. I think it has some logical reasons.
For example
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
terms
Use synonyms
and
stress
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
these are impacting something in our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. İnitally, less energy and health problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
terms
Use synonyms
have the biggest role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sleeping because
work
Use synonyms
terms
Use synonyms
are make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
us more
Use synonyms
stress
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
so
this
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affects our
sleeeping
Correct your spelling
sleeping
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
. İt is not
also
Linking Words
sleeping
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
sleep quality because when
people
Use synonyms
face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
strees
Correct your spelling
stress
some
Change preposition
during some
show examples
parts of
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
, they can't sleep
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
hour
Use synonyms
. One experiment shows
work
Use synonyms
terms
Use synonyms
and
stress
Use synonyms
have a connection
each
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. and both affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
much
Change the quantifier
many hours
show examples
hour
Use synonyms
spend in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed.
As a result
Linking Words
, in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
nobody
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
work
Use synonyms
terms
Use synonyms
and
stress
Use synonyms
so they
was sleep
Change the verb form
slept
show examples
better than
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
generation.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
these reasons have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
consequences in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal life. The first one is low energy. Energy is necessary for our daily routines so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
delay their
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
, and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
they feel more
stress
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the end of the day because they
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
do anything about their
work
Use synonyms
. İn addition,
people
Use synonyms
have health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
becaue
Correct your spelling
because
of
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, panic, depression, and hard
terms
Use synonyms
. Experts say " Many health
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
rise
Correct your spelling
arise
show examples
from less sleep and its consequences. When
people
Use synonyms
sleep around 4-5
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
it is damaging to
mind's
Correct article usage
the mind's
show examples
hormones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these are impacting our social skills and we feel deeply alone." In conclusion, we are sleeping less than past times because modern life's troubles make us
Use synonyms
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
, unhappy, and exhausted.
Submitted by türkoğluahmetonur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to clarify and organize your ideas more effectively in different paragraphs. Explicitly stating and supporting each point will improve coherence.
grammar
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors and refining your sentence structures for clarity and readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that are relevant to illustrate your points, enhancing the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both parts of the task, discussing the reasons for decreased sleep and its consequences.
task achievement
There is an effort to relate modern issues like stress and work terms to the topic, showing an understanding of current challenges.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: