Parents should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose path they like. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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There has been
ongonig
Correct your spelling
ongoing

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debate about whether youngsters have to pick their future jobs. Some argue that
children
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have to choose freely their future,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others believe that
they
Add a verb
they are
they were

Your sentence appears to be missing a verb.

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still immature to big decisions like that.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

I agree that choosing a
profession
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

dapands
Correct your spelling
depends

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solely on young
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference

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and which job will provide them with both
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness

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,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction and appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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and productive
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I believe other factors
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that the comma after such as is unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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guidance, and
consulation
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consultation

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also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

play a significant role in helping them decide wisely without any type of pressure. One significant reason why I agree to be a
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

children free
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children-free

It seems that children free is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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decision
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is that they will live for the next 40 years in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

profssion
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profession

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. We need to put
ourselfs
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ourselves

It appears that the noun ourselfs is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their shoes
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.

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when they live the next 40 years they need to live it based on their own
decision
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which will make them more productive in their
profession
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and happier in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, football players most of the time fight
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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regarding their
choose
Replace the word
choice

The word choose doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to be
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a profession player
profession players

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun players in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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profession
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

players,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they dream
to master
Change preposition
of mastering

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the game, their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'

It appears that the word parents should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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thoughts and hopes go towards other professions
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that the comma after such as is unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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Dentistry, or engineering.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

clearly shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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regardless of our good
intensions
Correct your spelling
intentions

The word intensions doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to help our
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol

The spelling of enroll is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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in the best
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
colleges

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, which in turn leads to
prestigious
Add an article
the prestigious

The noun phrase prestigious profession seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions

It seems that profession may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, we need to look
it
Change preposition
at it

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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from another angle. which is after all, who is going to live
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

me or my child ? Another reason why choose a particular
profession
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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own
decision
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

valuable beyond just salary is that
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances

It seems that the verb enhance does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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personal development and responsibility.
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Decision making
Add a hyphen
Decision-making

It appears that Decision making is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results

It seems that result may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in
resbonsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility

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, and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb increase. Consider changing it.

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confidance
Correct your spelling
confidence

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. studies have shown that people
Correct pronoun usage
who chose
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
who chose

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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their
profession
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

tend to score higher
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
Correct article usage
the happines
show examples
Correct article usage
the happines

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
scale, and have a wider perspective
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the world. To demonstrate that,
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making

It seems that decision making is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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contributea
Correct your spelling
contribute
contributed
contributes

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significantly
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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taking responsibility which
led
Wrong verb form
leads

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb led. Consider changing it.

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to
happier
Add an article
a happier

The noun phrase happier life seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some people argue that,
selection
Correct article usage
the selection

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of the future
carrer
Correct your spelling
career

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is part of
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
Correct article usage
the parents

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
responsibility, I firmely believe that
select
Replace the word
selection

The word select doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
to be a
child
Change noun form
child's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility

If you don’t want responsability to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

without any type of pressure.
Consequencly
Correct your spelling
Consequently

If you don’t want Consequencly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

lead to
happier
Add an article
a happier

The noun phrase happier, and productive life seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
, and
productive
Correct quantifier usage
more productive

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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task achievement
Improve spelling and grammar. There are spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies that need attention, such as 'ongoning' (should be 'ongoing'), 'dapands' (should be 'depends'), 'profssion' (should be 'profession'), 'colleages' (should be 'colleges'), and 'responsability' (should be 'responsibility').
coherence cohesion
Refine the logical structure of your arguments. Transitions between ideas should be smoother to enhance the logical progression of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples. While the football player example is relevant, adding more diverse examples could strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear position and outlines the key arguments you'll develop.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your stance and the key points discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical flow of ideas and solid argumentation, maintaining relevance to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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