The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The flow chart illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
of altering the
sugar
Use synonyms
cane plant to ready-to-use
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
there are seven stages in the whole
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
manufacturing. The
process
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begins with the agricultural product fully growing and it ends with cooling and drying.
The first step is
Linking Words
growing
sugar
Use synonyms
cane for one year to one and a half years.
Next,
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for harvesting the production is done two ways, either harvesting manually or chopping down with harvested devices that
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are automatic. After that, the products are crushed and are changed to juice.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the prepared juice is poured into a limestone filter for the purifying liquid
process
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, purified juice becomes syrup with
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
machine which does the evaporating
process
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with heating. After that,
sugar
Use synonyms
crystals and syrup are separated by centrifuge and
finally
Linking Words
, separated
sugar
Use synonyms
is dried and cooled, so as to use several industrial and household uses.
Submitted by mellika.sadeghi1 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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