Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an outlook claiming that social welfare could happen if the lack of distinction in earning between the richest and the poorest

people

Use synonyms

is thin. I do agree with

this

Linking Words

view, and

this

Linking Words

essay,

therefore

Linking Words

, will examine how to degrade the social gap through

education

Use synonyms

. Many experts of social science

convince

Wrong verb form

are convinced

show examples

that a happier society comes from a better educational system.

In other words

Linking Words

, well-educated

people

Use synonyms

are more allowed to gain more wealth or vice versa.

This

Linking Words

is because knowledge is power, says Michell Foucault. And, there is no

best

Correct word choice

better

show examples

place to earn knowledge

unless

Change preposition

than

show examples

schools or by

education

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, to create a better society,

people

Use synonyms

should

Linking Words

firstly

Change the word

first

show examples

assure

Verb problem

ensure

show examples

that the educational system is as justice as for the public no matter what kinds of social

classes

Fix the agreement mistake

class

show examples

they come from.

Consequently

Linking Words

, schools are not supposed to merely service the richest man, but the unfortunate

people

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should be allowed to get their

education

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as well.

This

Linking Words

attempt,

for example

Linking Words

, has occurred in some countries applying policies of the freedom of learning, provided by the governments. By doing so, citizens ultimately can address

education

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without discrimination anymore.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the policies are reportedly proven to increase the prosperity of the countries.

In other words

Linking Words

, more and more

people

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are gaining their

education

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their

Correct word choice

and their

show examples

wealth is more worth as well. In conclusion, there are many ways to create a prosperous society.

However

Linking Words

, the best one, from my perspective, is through the equality of

education

Use synonyms

which is proven to reduce the social gap between the rich and the poor in earning matters.

Submitted by alaika on Wed Jan 08 2025

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task achievement

Try to use more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, mentioning a country where reduced income disparity has improved happiness could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea supporting your stance and link them more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logically structured introduction and conclusion that present and summarize your viewpoint well.

task achievement

Your perspective on the role of education in reducing social gaps is clear and well-expressed.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

income inequality
distribution of wealth
social cohesion
social unrest
crime rates
economic equality
overall well-being
health outcomes
education outcomes
motivation
innovation
equal opportunities
wealth redistribution
economic growth
productivity

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Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

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The rise of social media platforms has made it easier for people to vent their frustrations and complaints publicly. What is the consequence of this trend?