IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In certain countries, there is a growing number of people becoming
parents
Use synonyms
 at a later
age
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the advantages of
this
Linking Words
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 financial and psychological aspects, I believe it can bring about more problems compared to any advantages it might bring. Admittedly,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 at
later
Correct article usage
a later
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 appear to have a financial advantage because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults in
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
show examples
 or forties have a secure and stable income as compared to younger
parents
Use synonyms
 who may still struggle with employment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a stable family economy would mean a better opportunity for the
children
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as in education and access to basic facilities. Another point to consider is,
elder
Correct word choice
that elder
show examples
 adults are usually more mature and often ready to take
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 responsibilities of being
parents
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, nurturing, guidance and loving
children
Use synonyms
 which are essential elements of parenting will become more effortless.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, despite the advantages above, a significant risk to
mother’s
Correct article usage
a mother’s
show examples
 health is of a major concern if
children
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 born at a later
age
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, it has been shown in medical research that pregnancy complications
such
Linking Words
 as hypertension and diabetes are affecting older adults more than younger
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who are conceived by older
parents
Use synonyms
 have higher chances of having abnormalities
such
Linking Words
 as Autism and Down Syndrome. Caring for offspring with special needs
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
 an enormous amount of emotional and physical strength.
This
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 high financial costs that may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to a great strain
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 family function. In conclusion, the drawbacks of having kids at a late
age
Use synonyms
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 health concerns for the unborn child
as well as
Linking Words
 pregnancy complications
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the mother outweigh the benefits it may bring.
Although
Linking Words
 in modern life, having kids at older
age
Use synonyms
 seems unavoidable,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mindful life planning and regular health assessment will be beneficial to ensure
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the family members

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that every point in your essay is fully developed with supporting arguments and examples. This helps to illustrate and substantiate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing coherence and cohesion can be achieved by using more transitional language and signposting to guide the reader clearly through your arguments. This makes your essay easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and states your position clearly, which is a strong start to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and reinforces your position. It wraps up the essay nicely.
supported main points
You provide relevant examples, such as medical research findings, to support your points about health risks for older parents. This strengthens your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Shift
  • Trend
  • Societal norms
  • Education and career
  • Financial stability
  • Reproductive technologies
  • Delayed marriages
  • Parenting responsibilities
  • Life expectancy
  • Family planning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: